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Women & Relationships

How to be “Non Needy”

So, you want to be seen as “non needy”? Consider the following rules:

1- Texting: If you text a girl twice, and she doesn’t text you back, stop texting her. It makes you look like a pathetic loser with no other options that is entirely fixated solely on her. Basic economics …

2- Voicemails: Don’t leave voicemails unless it’s something extremely urgent or important. She will see you called, and she will call you back. In this day and age, there are so many ways to get in touch. The voicemail conveys a sense of neediness. Take this scene from the classic movie Swingers as a lesson on what NOT to do.

3- Stay focused: Never compromise the success of your career for someone you’re dating. You’ve worked hard to get where you are today, and nobody should ever hold you back from that. A good partner will understand that and will push you to do the best you can.

3a- same goes for compromising your education…

3b- and neglecting your friends…

3c- and forgetting about your family …

4- First date follow up: After a first date, it’s perfectly acceptable to send a follow up text whenever you want, telling her it was nice to meet her and you had a great time. It could be an hour after the date, or several days after the date. When she responds, it doesn’t give you the green light to text her whenever you want. If/when you decide to text her again, it should be to set up the next date. That’s it. Control your impulses and don’t freak out if it takes her some time to reply. There could be a thousand reasons why. Take it easy… you’ll live if she never responds.

5- Don’t cry. Unless it’s a death or a horrible accident, you shouldn’t be crying in front of the person you’re dating. You look softer than mashed potatoes by welling up in front of your girl. Some people may tell you that you need to be “emotionally available”, and that may be true… but nothing outside a death or a horrible accident should make you break down in front of your girl. Everything else can be fixed. Everything else doesn’t equate to total devastation. You’re a problem solver and you’re tough as nails. Suck it up!

6- Don’t beg. I’ve seen guys beg girls for a kiss, a date, their number, etc. Have you really lowered yourself to sub-human status? It doesn’t matter if you’re drunk. Begging is for losers that can’t obtain what they want in a natural, normal way. Unless you have some sort of weird fetish, you should never beg for anything, ever.

7- Act like you’ve been there before. It may be your first kiss, your first sexual encounter, or the greatest date you’ve ever been on. Sure, you can feel the butterflies inside, but should you be giggling and dancing like a schoolboy? Absolutely not. Put on a poker face and tell yourself “this is no big deal”… showing her how amazing she is too early on may give her a big head, and may lead her to believe that she can treat you any way she wants and you’ll keep coming back for more. You’re a hamster running on a wheel at that point…

8- She has other things to do. Don’t make her feel guilty for having a life. Accept the fact that she is a grown adult woman with her own friends, family, job or career. So many guys will make their girl feel bad for going on a girls night or a work trip. There’s no better way to make a female resent you and think you’re a weak little whiny bitch than by making her feel guilty for doing things without you. She’s her own person. That independence and non-neediness should turn you on.

9- Assuming makes an “Ass” out of U and Me. Don’t assume you had plans. A lot of guys fall into this pitfall early in the relationship. They’re dating this great girl for a few weeks and they automatically assume that when the weekend rolls around that they have plans with her. When she tells him she is already booked, the guy gets super disappointed and conveys this to the girl. Once you start assuming you have plans with her, it means you’ve cleared your calendar and have nothing else going on. That means you’re needy, because you need her to have a social life. This makes your product very available and way less valuable. Low survival value. Moving on…

10- Be your own man. Sure, it’s fine to consider her opinion and her desires, but when she starts telling you how to dress, how to keep your beard, what length to keep your hair, who to hang out with, how to decorate your apartment, or what to spend your money on… you have two options. One, bow down to the great and powerful vagina and do exactly as she says. Or, two: think about it, thank her for her input, but follow your gut and do what you want to do. Nobody in this world has the right to tell you how to run your life. Ever hear the saying “give him an inch and he’ll take a mile”? This directly applies here, because once you let someone tell you what to do and you comply, you open the door to being someone’s bitch for the rest of your life.

11- Don’t complain or make excuses. It doesn’t matter how strong, sexy or successful you are. If you complain about things, you are a whiny bitch. End of story. It’s okay to identity problems, ONLY if you provide solutions. If you’ve ever watched the show Bar Rescue, the star of the show is a business man named Jon Taffer that goes into run down bars and fixes them up, while correcting the flaws in management along the way. He lives by this saying “I don’t embrace excuses, i embrace solutions”. He embraces solutions! How alpha is that!? Talk about high survival value. Always keep that in the back of your head. It you catch yourself being a complainer, correct your mindset and remember to focus on the solution, not the problem.

12- Go with the flow. So many guys will act very high maintenance when asked to do things they aren’t comfortable doing. What are you, a stiff? Are you that rigid that you can’t adapt? Being unable to adapt means you don’t evolve, which conveys low survival value according to Darwin’s theory of evolution. If you and your girl are in an uncomfortable situation, don’t throw a hissy fit. Be a man and plow through. Be a rock.

13- Prioritize reality. Fantasy shouldn’t really ever impact your mood. If your favorite team loses, don’t react like a maniac. Don’t pout and cry like a little boy. Feel your emotions for five minutes and move on. Okay, I may take some heat for this one, because I absolutely love sports and comic book movies. But let me draw a fine line here between enjoying them and living and dying by them. When my beloved Rangers lost the Stanley Cup to the LA Kings in overtime of game five, I was a little upset immediately after the game. But after that, life went on and I fell asleep in bed next to my gorgeous future wife. I didn’t punch a hole in the wall. I didn’t cry and scream. Too many guys live and die by their sports teams that they literally abandon reality and the priorities that come with it. Talk about demonstration of low survival value! Ladies that see grown men behave this way have a hard time respecting them because they look more like seven year old boys than grown men. No grown female wants to make love to a boy; except for some of these twisted middle school teachers I read about… where was that when I was twelve?

14- Be patient and take things slow. You shouldn’t be in a rush to move things to the next level and settle down with her. If she’s the one, you have the rest of your lives to be together. If she’s not ready for sex, don’t pressure her. If you don’t have sex tonight, you’ll live. You don’t need it THAT bad. Go with the flow and take it easy.

15- Don’t worry about if she “likes” you. The only thing you should be thinking about is if you like her. That’s all that matters. If you like her and she doesn’t like you, you can’t force her to like you. It’s out of your control, so why worry? If she likes you, then the entire situation is on your control. You should be vetting her to see if she fits your criteria. Can she give you what you want? Can she provide you with why you need? Can she hang with you? Can she make you laugh? This is what matters.

16- Equal effort. Don’t put in more than she does. If she says “jump”, you should not say “how high”? If you’re going above and beyond, and she’s simply just showing up, you have a problem. You come across as if you’re forcing it, and that is a huge turn off. A relationship is 50/50. If she isn’t putting in as much time, attention, or emotion as you, she’s using you for something – end of story. If you see yourself falling down this hole, snap out of it and climb out quick. If you don’t, you’ll get crushed.

17- Those Three Words. Do not rush telling her you love her. Lots of guys think they’re in love, especially if the girl is super hot, but what you’re really feeling is lust. Love is a really serious emotion. It means more than just having good times together. It means living your life for three people: yourself, her, and the two of you as a couple. Once you say that, you can’t go back. You better be damned sure you love her before you broach that subject.

18- Forget the exes. Do not compare yourself to her exes. It is human nature to do that, but all it does is make you appear weak. Why would you obsess over some other guy? Is he that amazing that you can’t stop thinking about him? Why would you put this chump on a pedestal? Why is he the gold standard in your mind? They broke up, right? So if they broke up, it’s for a reason, or several. Which means that you’re already better than he is, because you’re still with her. Which means you provide more to her life. Which, in turn, means you have way more survival value? If you compare yourself to her exes, you’re showing a neediness for validation, and that shows that you aren’t confident enough inside. Now, if the ex is hanging around…

19- No sharing. Do not tolerate, under any circumstances, any romantic relations with other men, whether they be sexual or emotional. Period. Any guy that makes excuses for it is a soft, beta loser with zero survival value. This is something that can never be compromised. If she wants to be with other guys, or she still feels for other guys, let her go. If she isn’t over him and she starts a relationship with you, your entire foundation is compromised. It’s just unhealthy. You shouldn’t be sharing with anyone. You are not an appetizer or a side piece. You are not a means to an end and you won’t be used.

20- Do not be cheap. Avoid having t-rex arms. Don’t split the bill. A true gentleman pays the tab and doesn’t worry about money. Why? It conveys that you can take care of her if you need to. It shows that you have your shit together and are successful. It demonstrates that you’ve been smart with your money and aren’t in a desperate situation. If she’s asking to go to the nicest restaurants and begs you for a Louis Vuitton bag, chances are you have a gold digger on your hands. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. Don’t be the guy who complains about not having money, or comments on how “expensive” something might be. If you’re bragging about how much money you saved or what a great discount you got, it’s just unattractive. In reality, you shouldn’t talk about money at all. You could be super wealthy and it would still be a turn off. Nothing turns a woman off more than a cheap guy. If you’re dating, money shouldn’t be a topic of conversation. Act like you’ve been there before and enjoy being in the moment. You can always make more money, but you can’t get do-overs on your life experiences.

21- Last one, and I’ll leave it at this. Do not try to control her. You are not her father. You are not her boss. You are supposed to be her partner, not her keeper. If you’re trying to control her, it shows that you fear her independence. For whatever reason, you are attempting to keep her on a leash. Why do humans keep dogs on leashes? So the dogs don’t run away. If they run away, we may never find them again. They may get lost, hit by a car, or taken in by another human. Your girl is not a pet. If you show that you fear her independence, you reveal a massive insecurity; you’re afraid she will leave you. If you’re afraid she’ll leave you, it shows the ultimate neediness. Game over.

⁃ Your big bro

5 comments
  1. Kathy

    How do I get my boyfriend to realize we need alone time & that I should be important enough to time with (not always coming after long time friend & mother). Concerned in letting them down?!?!?!

    1. enteringmanhood

      Hey Kathy. Good question. The best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him. Do not attack him with statements like “you always”… keep the focus of the conversation on your needs. “It would make me happy if ___” and “I really would like ___”. Have rationale why you’d like alone time. If he does not change his behavior after that, it may be time to have a more serious discussion about the future of your relationship. Good luck!

  2. Meet more women with these 3 rules | Entering Manhood.

    […] 1- Always be non-needy. This is the number one rule of attraction. Since attraction is not a choice, help your chances of being categorized as a “hot guy” by always demonstrating the most alpha quality: non neediness. The moment a woman sees signs of neediness in a man, she instantly loses respect for him and puts him into the friend zone. This is all tied to our primal instincts for survival and reproduction. Some helpful tips on how to be non-needy can be found here […]

  3. Zman

    A few more: She’s not your “friend”. Share your dreams, make her laugh, challenge her point of view, intrigue her, but don’t make her your therapist. Bringing your emotional problems to your woman is the kiss of death. Bring those issues to your men – only. Women do not want men that are whiny, cry-babies who need their women for emotional support. THEY need to rely on YOU. Go to your men for support – thats where you can take it all off and get yourself back together and be the man you need to be.
    2) Pussy is a commodity. There is no shortage of it. Women will try to trick you into thinking that their pussy is special, and unavailable and will manipulate you when they see that you ‘need’ sex from her. You don’t. You can get pussy anywhere.
    3) Be busy. Women really do not want you to be available, regardless of how much they bitch that you are not around. Don’t buy into the story. Your success and well being are your priority. Your men are your second priority. She comes in a close third. Apply this formula and no woman will ever dump you.

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