Masculinity is Not a Crime: The Case for Strong Men

Modern culture wants you to apologize for your nature. Don't. From protecting families to building cities, the world needs strong men now more than ever

By Your Bro · Fri Jun 12 2020 · Guy Stuff

You are being told that your natural instincts are a design flaw. If you are aggressive in your career, firm with your children, or protective of your home, there is a loud segment of the population waiting to label you a threat.

The War on Competence

There is a massive difference between a man who is dangerous and a man who is capable of danger but chooses to be useful. The world needs strong men. It doesn't need them to be soft; it needs them to be directed. When we strip away the traditional markers of manhood, we don't get a more peaceful society. We get a more fragile one. Men are currently dropping out of the workforce and higher education at rates that should be alarming everyone. According to Pew Research, young men are increasingly living at home and remaining disconnected from the traditional milestones of adulthood. This isn't progress. It is a slow-motion collapse of the foundations that keep a society upright.

I remember a guy I worked with years ago on a construction site. He was sixty, had hands like leather, and never complained once when the temperature broke triple digits. He wasn't loud. He didn't post motivational quotes on the internet. He just showed up, did the work, and made sure the younger guys didn't do something stupid that would get them killed. He was the anchor of the crew. If you took him out and replaced him with someone who was more "sensitive" but couldn't swing a hammer or keep his head in a crisis, the whole project would have folded. That is the kind of strength the world is losing.

The Strength of Silence and Action

Real masculinity isn't about being the loudest person in the room or picking fights at the local dive. It is about the quiet burden of being the person everyone looks to when the power goes out or the car won't start. It is about being the one who makes a plan while everyone else is panicking. We are seeing a generation of men who have been taught to fear their own shadows. They are told that to be masculine is to be "toxic." This is a lie designed to keep you passive. If you spend your life trying to be as harmless as possible, you will eventually find yourself useless when a situation requires teeth.

Data from the CDC suggests that the mental health crisis among men is tied closely to a loss of purpose and community. Without a mission, men drift. I have written before about how men are weaker than ever, and it isn't just about how much you can bench press. It is about the mental fortitude to endure a bad year without breaking. It is about the discipline to provide for a family even when you'd rather be sleeping in or chasing cheap thrills. Strength is a debt you owe to the people who depend on you.

The Necessity of the Provider

The role of the provider is being mocked by people who have never had to pay a mortgage or protect a child. They think that because you can order a burger from an app, the world no longer needs the grit it took to build the infrastructure making that app possible. They are wrong. Masculinity is the energy that builds cities and the barrier that keeps chaos at the gate. If you stop being a man of action, you become a spectator in your own life. This often results in a loss of respect, both from yourself and from those around you.

I saw a friend of mine go through this a few years back. He tried to be the "new man"—totally passive, no opinions, always deferring to everyone else. He thought it would make his life easier. Instead, his wife lost interest, his boss walked all over him, and he ended up depressed on his couch. It wasn't until he reclaimed his spine and started asserting himself again that his life turned around. He didn't become a jerk. He just became a man again. You can see similar patterns in my breakdown of the manhood manifesto, where I talk about the long journey of being a man in a world that wants you small.

Defining Your Own Code

If you don't define what being a man means to you, the world will define it for you, and you won't like their version. Their version involves you sitting in a cubicle, eating processed garbage, and apologizing for existing. Your version should involve discipline, physical capability, and a clear set of morals. You don't need a permission slip to be strong. You don't need an apology for wanting to win. Nature doesn't care about your feelings, and neither does a failing economy or an intruder at your front door.

Research from the American Psychological Association has shown that while traditional roles are changing, the fundamental human need for agency and competence remains constant. For men, that agency is often tied to the ability to impact the physical world. This is why we feel better after a hard workout or finishing a project with our hands. It is built into our DNA. Trying to suppress that is like trying to tell a wolf it should really try being a golden retriever. It might work for a while, but it's miserable for the wolf.

Modern Society and the Masculine Identity

The irony is that the very people who criticize masculinity are the first ones to call for a strong man when things go sideways. When a pipe bursts at 3 AM or a stranger is following someone to their car, nobody is looking for a man who has successfully deconstructed his gender identity. They are looking for a man who can handle the situation. Being that man requires preparation. It requires you to stay in shape, keep your mind sharp, and understand how to navigate conflict without losing your cool.

Maintaining this balance is difficult. You have to be tough enough to survive the world but decent enough to be a good father and husband. It is a tightrope walk. You have to learn to be a leader, which is something I explored in my guide on how to become the leader you were created to be. Leadership isn't about giving orders. It is about taking the most responsibility. The man who takes the most responsibility is always the one in charge, whether he has a title or not.

The world needs strong men. Not because men are better than anyone else, but because certain roles in the human story are best filled by someone with a hard spine and a steady hand. Don't let a temporary cultural trend talk you out of thousands of years of biological reality. Build yourself into someone who can be relied upon. The rest is just noise.

—Your Bro