Ever wonder why the “bad boy” in the movie always gets the “hot girl”? Or why beautiful girls stay with guys that treat them poorly? It isn’t money, good looks, charm or unmatched sexual prowess.
If you’re trying to understand why, look no further. It’s one simple concept that many guys fail to understand. The one thing these men have in common is they all convey a sense of being “non-needy“.
That’s right. These guys walk around like they don’t need anyone or anything. They possess the ultimate “zero fucks given” attitude, because they seek no validation from any human being.
It’s a primal confidence that few men exude, and it translates back to the idea that this guy is a provider. A survivor. He is powerful and mentally strong. If he needs nothing from no one, he is entirely self sufficient. He lives in his own world, with his own set of rules, and his own expectations. He is beholden to nobody, and no matter how sexy, smart, nice or funny you are, you’re not going to change him. He doesn’t seek your approval, advice, or guidance. To women, this subconsciously translates as “high survival value”, which is the most important trait that females seek when choosing a partner to reproduce with.
This is in direct contrast to the most unappealing quality in a person; neediness. Needy people are annoying and appear weak. They convey a sense of not being capable to handle things on their own. Needy people complain instead of providing solutions. This conveys very low survival value, which is an undesirable trait when it comes to reproduction. Women sniff out needy guys a mile away and “friend zone” them, immediately. If they don’t friend zone the needy guy, it’s either because they’re extremely desperate for any male partner, or they’re using this poor sap as a means to an end.
You’re probably asking yourself, what does it mean to be needy? What is an indicator of being labeled as needy? What can I do to avoid being seen as needy? If you’re somewhat aware of this, then there’s a good chance that you’re already conveying a sense of neediness to the opposite sex.
Remember lessons from basic economics; if a product is in large supply, its value decreases. If a product is in low supply, its value increases.
The same goes for human beings. Think about the friend that constantly calls you to hang out. The one that’s always available, no matter what day or time it is. The one that texts you back immediately because they sit by their phone and wait for any human contact they can get. That friend becomes less valuable because they’re always available; it’s basic psychology. The same goes for dating and levels of neediness.
The partner that requires more of your attention, affection, and validation ends up becoming less desirable because they make themselves too available. They appear to be emotionally fragile, or weak, like a child. The partner that functions like a well-oiled machine, with or without you, is more desirable because they sit on a strong foundation. They are consistent, sturdy, adult-like and alpha. Adding that person to your life makes you stronger. It’s someone that is reliable. Someone to build a life experience with.
People in healthy relationships acknowledge the fact that they do not “need” their partner, but rather that their partner enhances their life experience. Their partner brings out the best in them. Sure, married couples and couples with kids may need each other long term for logistical, financial or even psychological and emotional reasons, but when that couple began dating they really shouldn’t have “needed” one another. They would’ve lived a perfectly acceptable existence without one another for the rest of their lives. They wouldn’t have died from loneliness, nor would they have struggled to survive life’s trials and tribulations. Their partner wasn’t sought out of necessity, but was added to their life as a complement to their current existence. Anyone that tells you they “need” you doesn’t really mean it, or is very emotionally confused.
So, if you want to be seen as “non needy”, check out Entering Manhood’s Top 21 Rules for the Non Needy Man.