The 5 Best Rules for Choosing Groomsmen
Choosing groomsmen is a major wedding decision. Learn how to select a reliable, loyal, and fun wedding party that will support you on your big day and beyond.
By Your Bro · · Relationships
Congrats brother! She said yes and now you’re planning your wedding. This is one of the most exciting times of your life, so enjoy it with your bride. However, be forewarned that wedding planning can be stressful. For a day that feels fleeting, it comes with a hefty price tag. You'll be shopping for a venue, photographer, music, flowers and tuxedos for months. Before you walk down the aisle, you’ve got decision to make regarding who will be by your side as you say "I do". To make the decision easier, Your Bro suggests five important factors to consider when choosing groomsmen.
Key Takeaways
Selecting groomsmen based on lifelong consistency ensures wedding photos remain relevant for future generations.
Reliable attendants prevent social friction by respecting the groom's boundaries during pre-wedding events.
Groomsmen should possess the trustworthiness to handle responsibilities like punctuality and proper attire without supervision.
Prioritizing selfless friends guarantees your wedding day focuses on your needs rather than their personal agendas.
Choosing can be easy for some, and more difficult for others. If you grew up with lots of brothers or close friends, the decision might be automatic. Unfortunately, it can end up being a bit more complicated for soon-to-be grooms because they may have too many or too few to choose from. In some situations, it can also cause tension within your existing friendships.
Getting the call to be a groomsmen is considered a great honor, and being snubbed when one thinks they're worthy can cause some ill will between bros. Before you make your decision, take the time to consider the five most important factors in selecting your MVP crew.
How do you decide who should be in your wedding party?
As you begin the process of choosing groomsmen, evaluate candidates by loyalty, longevity of the friendship, and overall reliability. Selecting individuals who have supported you through past hardships ensures they will be high-value assets during a stressful wedding season. Choose men who embody selflessness and a compatible sense of fun to maintain a positive atmosphere throughout the celebrations.
Loyalty
Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life. It symbolizes the transformation from bachelor to married man, as everything you experienced in life led to this moment. Was he there by your side during the fun nights out or the crushing breakups? Did he answer your call when you needed a friend? Who had your back when times were tough? Where did you get great advice along the way?
The gents you select should have demonstrated loyalty to you and your friendship over the years if they are to be invited into this select group. These are guys who show up for you no matter what. If you've ever doubted their loyalty, don't even consider them as part of your crew. They're an acquaintance, not a true friend.
Longevity
Most people hire wedding photographers to take lots of pictures leading up to and during their wedding. These moments are immortalized, and one day your future kids and grandkids are going to see them. When they look at these pictures, do you want your future kin to immediately recognize the groomsmen because they're still a big part of your life? The answer should be yes.
Friends come in and out of our lives throughout childhood and adulthood, but the ones remaining in the picture have proven their value. Sure, the guy you met at the bar who roots for the same hockey team as you is cool and fun, but has he been around for all the ups and downs of your evolution? Work friends can be just as tricky. Being co-workers for a couple years could make you feel like you've gone to battle together, but is the friendship built on any substance outside of hatred for a common boss? When choosing groomsmen, make sure your selections have stood the test of time.
Trustworthiness
Trust is important for so many reasons. Consider the following scenarios when determining their trustworthiness.
Do you trust them to be classy, respectful and responsible on the big day? The last thing you need is a sloppy drunk with a big mouth making a fool of himself at the reception.
Are they trustworthy enough to show up on time, wear the right attire, and participate in all of the festivities?
Do you trust them around your closest family and in laws, or will they tell a dumb story about the bachelor party that will get you or someone else into trouble? When choosing groomsmen, select a crew committed to helping you get through the day without any incidents. Keep them on the bench if they're more focused on their next drink, or they've got loose lips.
Selfless
This attribute is definitely a mix of the first three, but it takes on a life of its own and needs to be emphasized. Leading up to, during, and after your wedding, there will undoubtedly be times where you need someone to vent to, or turn to for advice. When choosing groomsmen, it's important for you to trust that they have your best interests in mind.
A true friend is able to separate themselves from any situation and objectively look at how YOU are being impacted. They shouldn't put themselves first when they're actively helping you. This is the mark of a good friend, and should be something you consider when making your selection.
For example, you're a loyal guy and you want to make sure your bachelor party isn't a hooker fest. One of the groomsmen you're considering is single and loves the company of available women. You tell him you want a fun guys weekend with fishing, golf, and a brewery. Is he going to sabotage the party by ordering strippers to your room, putting you and any other loyal guys in a tough spot? Or will he honor your wishes and put his desires aside? Selfless is the way to go.
Fun
Truthfully, one of the most fun rites of passage leading to a wedding is the bachelor party. Your groomsmen will likely be planning this, with your best man taking the lead. You obviously want the bachelor party to be a good time, but you also want it to cater to your specific needs and style. There are some friends who are more wild then others, so giving them the task of helping to plan your bachelor party can make or break it.
Additionally, this crew is going to be involved in your rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, and will be by your side the entire day of the wedding. If someone is boring, dry or annoying, they can bring the mood of the group down. Make sure when you're choosing groomsmen, they fit your vibe. After all, it's your party... and you should enjoy it!
—Your Bro