Things to Know Before Your First Baby is Born
Prepare for your first baby with this guide for new dads. Learn about car seat safety, sleep deprivation, newborn procedures, and managing family finances.
By Your Bro · · Self Improvement
You are about to be demoted in your own home. The woman who used to greet you with a drink or a kiss will soon look at you like an extra piece of furniture if you aren't holding a diaper or a bottle. Congrats! Your first baby is on the way.
Key Takeaways
Your primary job is now logistics and support until the routine stabilizes.
Sleep deprivation is a physical weapon that will test your marriage and your sanity.
Financial planning isn't optional when a single ER visit or daycare bill can wipe a savings account.
Your involvement isn't just a lifestyle choice; it is tied to the survival and success of your child.
The Logistics of Homecoming
Before you leave for the hospital, make sure you know how to install the car seat properly. Most hospitals won’t allow you to take the baby home without it. After the stress of labor, delivery, and days spent in a sterile room eating cafeteria food, the last thing you want is a standoff with a nurse because your straps are loose. A study from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia found that 93 percent of parents make at least one serious mistake when installing a newborn car seat or positioning the infant in it. Don’t be that guy. Read the manual.
To prepare for a successful homecoming, you’ve got to make sure the baby will have their own space. This means a crib or bassinet, a high chair, and somewhere safe to plop them down while you handle your day-to-day responsibilities. You’ll need enough clothes for at least a week, plenty of diapers, ointment, wet wipes, and bottles. Plan for three or four outfits per day. Between the piss, poop, and puke, you will go through fabric faster than you think. Babies grow fast, so the clothes that fit in week one will be tight by week four. If you are the paranoid type, grab a video monitor. It brings peace of mind when you’re in the other room trying to remember what it feels like to be a human being.
The Reality of Sleep Deprivation
You won’t get as much sleep as you’re used to. Every once in a while, a baby comes home and sleeps straight through the night. My first daughter was like that. We put her down at 7:30 PM and didn't hear a peep until 7:30 AM. We thought we were parenting geniuses. We brushed off the warnings from other parents as dramatic nonsense. Then my son was born. He woke up every 45 to 90 minutes for the first three months. It felt like being interrogated by a tiny, screaming commando who didn't want any information, just my soul. This impacts your memory, your ability to lift, and your performance at work. You will need caffeine. You will need patience. I've discussed how strength without a target rots, and during these months, your target is simply keeping the household from collapsing while you are a walking zombie.
Research from the National Sleep Foundation shows that sleep deprivation can lead to irritability, impaired judgment, and decreased cognitive function. You are more likely to pick a fight over a dirty spoon when you haven't had a REM cycle in three days. Stay calm. It is a season, not a life sentence.
The Financial Impact and Planning Ahead
Babies are expensive. You are adding a new dependent, a mountain of supplies, and potentially massive childcare costs to your balance sheet. According to Brookings Institution estimates, the cost of raising a child to age 17 for a middle-income family is now over $300,000. That doesn't include college. To avoid being financially crushed, plan in advance. Understand the cost of doctor visits and diapers. Set up a registry on Amazon. People expect to buy you stuff, so let them buy the things you actually need instead of silver-plated rattles and stuffed giraffes you don't have room for.
My wife joked that it took an hour just to get out of the house once the baby arrived. She wasn't joking. Every trip to the grocery store now requires a fully stocked diaper bag: wipes, ointment, a burp cloth, a binky, formula, and a change of clothes for the kid—and maybe one for you too. If you and mom both plan to work, figure out childcare now. Don't wait until the week before her maternity leave ends. Whether it’s family or a local daycare, make sure it is reliable. You can't focus on earning a living if you're worried about who is watching your kid.
Your New Role in the Household
The sex will slow down. The attention you used to get from your wife will be redirected toward the crying thing in the crib. You are no longer the top priority. This is a hard pill for some guys to swallow, but it’s the reality of the next phase of manhood. You become the protector and the provider in a way that is much more literal than before. I mentioned in the Manhood Manifesto that the path through manhood gets harder every year, but it is also where you find your purpose.
Data from a massive study of nearly 1.4 million infants in Florida found that the absence of a father significantly increases the risk of infant mortality. In fact, the mortality rate for infants in the first 28 days of life was four times higher for those with absent fathers. Just showing up is more than half the battle. Your presence stabilizes the environment. You are there to handle the gross stuff—the urine, the vomit, the blowouts. Buy white t-shirts; they handle the bleach better after you’ve been spit up on for the tenth time in a day.
The Evolution of the Man
Your mindset will begin to evolve. The things that used to matter—the men's league hockey season, the long hours on a video game, the bar hops—will fall down the priority list. This is normal. You are adapting. Being a father offers a chance at true mastery because you are finally in a position to teach. As George Herbert said, “One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
Accept that you will be frustrated. Accept that you and your wife will snap at each other. She has gone through a massive physical trauma to bring this child into the world. If you watched the birth, you know it isn't like the movies. It is messy and intense. Give her grace, and give yourself a minute to breathe. Letting go of who you were is the only way to become the man you are meant to be now.
What To Do This Week
Install the car seat and take it to a local fire station or police precinct to have a professional verify it is secure.
Meal prep at least five dinners and freeze them; you won't have the energy to cook during the first two weeks home.
Finalize your childcare plan and confirm the start date and deposit requirements.
Stock up on the basics: unscented wipes, two boxes of diapers larger than the "newborn" size, and a bottle of high-quality coffee.
This is the work. It isn't glamorous, and nobody is going to give you a trophy for changing a diaper at 3:00 AM. But it is the most important mission you'll ever have.
—Your Bro