August's Dad of the Month: The Foundation of Fatherhood

Meet John Christie, a man who survived adoption and relocation to build a family founded on emotional intelligence and the simple, heavy weight of love

By Your Bro · Sun Aug 30 2020 · Guy Stuff

Being a father is the only job where you can work twenty-four hours a day, get paid in sticky handprints, and still feel like the luckiest man in the room.

EnteringManhood is pleased to announce August's Dad of the Month is John Christie @thechristiefamilyunit. John is a Ukrainian-born man who came to America in 2001, adopted and blessed with a second chance at life. Moving across the world as a child changes your perspective on what "family" actually means. It isn't just a biological coincidence. It is a choice you make every morning when you get out of bed to provide for people who depend on you.

A graduate from the University of Central Florida, John has a degree in business marketing and is now a health insurance broker. He understands risk, ROI, and the long game. But John says he loves his son forever because he's brought him joy he never knew existed. That sounds like a greeting card until you actually hold your own kid. Then it sounds like the only truth that matters. He is living proof that where you start doesn't have to dictate where you finish.

The Philosophy of Emotional Navigation

John’s philosophy on parenting has been to always foster his child's emotions. Most men were raised to bury feelings in the backyard next to the dog. We were told to rub dirt on it and move on. John takes a different path. When things are bad, he thinks you should help them to understand why it's negative, and steer them away from it. On the flip side, when things are good, encourage those as well, and teach emotional strength at all times.

This isn't about being soft. It is about building a man who knows how to handle his own head. Research from the American Psychological Association has consistently shown that children who learn to regulate their emotions early in life have better social skills and higher academic performance later on. They don't just react to the world. They process it. I wrote about similar concepts when discussing how to become the leader you were created to be. You cannot lead a family if you cannot lead yourself through a bad mood.

The Six-Year Window

The first six years of a child's life lay the foundation for the rest of their life. This isn't just a father's intuition. According to the CDC, the early years are critical because the brain is forming connections at a rate that will never be matched again. If the foundation is cracked, the house will lean for the next sixty years.

John knows this. He focuses on making his son feel safe and secure right now so that he doesn't have to spend his thirties in a therapist's office trying to figure out why he feels anxious. A kid who knows he is loved is a kid who is brave enough to try things. Whether that's sports or school, the security of home is the springboard for everything else. I've often said that what sports can teach your kids starts with the confidence they get from you on the car ride to the field.

Love Over Stuff

Above all, John says to just love. No matter how many toys or adventures they get, all children want and need is love. We live in a world that tries to sell us fatherhood through expensive strollers and Disney vacations. Those things are fine, but they are noise. Kids need to know they are loved, and always feel safe and secure.

I remember a friend of mine worked eighty hours a week to buy his kid a massive power-wheels truck and a custom playground. He was never home to see the kid use them. Eventually, the kid stopped asking where Dad was and started asking when the next toy was coming. He traded a relationship for a transaction. John is doing the opposite. He is trading his presence for his son's future stability.

The Power of a Silly Moment

John loves everything about being a Dad, but his favorite things are the funny moments. His son is very silly and makes him laugh so much. If you aren't laughing at least once a day as a father, you are doing it wrong. Kids are natural comedians because they haven't learned to be cynical yet. They find the world fascinating and ridiculous. Lean into that.

Being a father is heavy stuff. You are responsible for the physical and moral safety of another human. But if you carry that weight with a scowl, you miss the point. The goal is to raise a person who enjoys being alive. Watching your kid do something completely absurd is the reward for the sleepless nights and the insurance premiums. It keeps you young. It reminds you that despite the chaos of the world, life is actually pretty good.

John Christie is a man who took a second chance at life and turned it into a first-rate legacy for his son. He is showing up, doing the work, and keeping his head on straight. That is what it means to enter manhood. It isn't a destination. It is a daily practice of being the man your son thinks you are. Congrats again, John. You earned it.

—Your Bro