Financial Red Flags to Look For in Your Partner

Financial issues are the second leading cause of divorce for a reason. If she abuses your wallet, it is time to have a serious conversation or walk away

By Your Bro · Thu Jan 19 2023 · Relationships

A woman can have a heart of gold and still leave you with a bank account in the red. Financial compatibility is not about being a gold digger; it is about whether her habits will eventually sink the ship you are trying to build.

The High Cost of Silence

She might not be a gold digger, and may even have good intentions. Still, that doesn't mean you should ignore her serious financial red flags. These flags can be a predictor of potential future issues in a relationship. This is especially if you’re dating someone and considering making a serious decision like moving in together or proposing. Financial stability should be top of mind due to the manner in which men are treated in divorce court. It is not being cynical; it is being prepared. If you want to become the leader you were created to be, you need to know who is in the foxhole with you. Statistics from the American Psychological Association show that money is a consistent source of stress for nearly two-thirds of adults. In a relationship, that stress doubles if only one person is doing the heavy lifting.

Statistically, money arguments are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. High levels of debt and poor communication lead to stress and anxiety when it comes to finances. Nearly half of couples with $50,000 or more in debt say money is their top reason for arguing. According to research, nearly 2/3 of all marriages start in debt. You are already starting on a steep hill. Do not make it a vertical cliff by ignoring the warning signs while you are still in the dating phase. I once knew a guy who ignored the fact that his girlfriend had three Max Mara bags but worked part-time at a florist. He found out later she had sixteen credit cards. He didn’t find out until they tried to get a mortgage. Now he lives in a studio apartment and eats a lot of canned soup. Don't be that guy.

The Five Primary Red Flags

1. Consistently asks for money: If she's always asking for money, it can be a sign of financial instability or a lack of financial responsibility. It usually starts small. Ten bucks for gas. Twenty for a lunch she forgot. Eventually, it is the rent.
2. Always talking about her financial struggles: When she is always talking about her financial struggles, it can be a sign that she's not taking steps to improve her financial situation. Venting is one thing. Having a personality that revolves around being a victim of your own spending is another.
3. Has a history of bad credit: A history of bad credit can be an indication of financial irresponsibility. It stays on the record for seven years for a reason. It shows a pattern of not keeping your word to people you owe.
4. Constantly buying things on credit: If your partner is constantly buying things on credit, it can be a sign that she's living beyond her means and may have difficulty paying off those debts. It's the dopamine hit of the purchase followed by the hangover of the bill.
5. Secretive about her finances: A lady who is secretive about her finances can be hiding something. As such, take the lead and initiate honest communication. If she gets defensive when you ask simple questions, that is your answer.

The Danger of the Frivolous Spender

There is a difference between enjoying nice things and being reckless. A woman who demonstrates little responsibility with her own cash will treat yours with even less respect. You have to watch out for the lifestyle creep. If every promotion you get is immediately spent on a better vacation or a newer car for her, you are running on a treadmill that never stops. Dating in today's broken world is hard enough without adding a parasitic financial dynamic to the mix. It's important to note that these red flags don't mean that the person is necessarily "bad." They might just be uneducated or undisciplined. But for your own self-preservation, it's critical to be aware. You are not her father and you are not her debt counselor. You are her partner.

Other Crippling Behaviors

On top of these flags, proceed with caution if she runs the risk of bringing these financially crippling issues into your life. Things like horrendous student debt that she has no plan to pay off, impulsive shopping habits, or an irresponsible lack of planning. If she lives above her means and demonstrates a poor work ethic, she is looking for a bailout, not a partner. A psycho girlfriend isn't always the one screaming in the street; sometimes she is the one quietly draining your savings account while you sleep. Research from the Federal Reserve has indicated that individuals with similar credit scores are more likely to stay together. There is a reason for that. Parity in how you handle obligations creates peace.

Leading the Financial Conversation

Financial compatibility is an important aspect of a healthy relationship and it's crucial to address it early on. You do not need to see her tax returns on the third date, but by six months, you should know her philosophy on debt. If she thinks a credit card limit is "free money," you have a problem. Take the lead. Talk about your own goals first. If she doesn't reciprocate or thinks planning for the future is "boring," you are looking at a future of working until you are eighty while she buys overpriced candles. Don't say I didn't warn you.

—Your Bro