Rules for Life: Navigating the Chaos of Becoming a Man

There is no blueprint or textbook for life, but there are certain things you can do to ensure you have good friends and a solid foundation as you beome a man

By Your Bro · Mon Feb 05 2018 · Self Improvement

The world doesn't care about your plans or how you think things ought to be. It has a habit of punching you in the mouth just when you think you have finally found your rhythm.

The Broad Landscape of Manhood

This topic is way too broad for a clever little summary, so I'll leave it at this: You're going to meet a lot of people, and you're going to be put in a lot of different situations as you become a man. There is no blueprint to follow or a textbook to read. However, there are certain things you can do in certain situations to ensure you have good friends and live a good life. This page will focus on these certain situations and how you can best maximize them for yourself. Oh, and rule #1: don't be a dick. Seriously. It simplifies about 90% of your interactions.

Most guys walk around waiting for someone to hand them a map. They think if they just wait long enough, or watch enough videos, the path will become clear. It won't. You have to define your life code on the fly while the stakes are actually high. The reality is that manhood isn't a destination you reach; it's a series of decisions you make when you're tired, broke, or pissed off.

The Company You Keep

You have heard the cliche that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s a cliche because it’s true. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that social groups significantly influence individual decision-making and risk assessment. If your friends spend their weekends complaining about their bosses and drinking until they black out, you will eventually find yourself doing the same thing. It’s hard to soar with eagles when you’re hanging out with turkeys who are obsessed with the local happy hour.

I had a buddy in my twenties who was a human anchor. Every time I tried to save money or hit the gym, he had a reason why it was a waste of time. He wasn't a bad guy, he was just comfortable being stagnant. I had to learn how and why to keep your circle small. It wasn't about being elitist. It was about survival. If the people around you don't make you feel a little embarrassed about your own laziness, find new people.

Competence as a Shield

The world has a funny way of respecting people who actually know how to do things. Whether it's changing a tire, fixing a leaky faucet, or understanding how a balance sheet works, competence is your best defense against feeling like a victim. When you are capable, you are less likely to be exploited. According to data from Pew Research Center, adults who report higher levels of self-efficacy—the belief in one's ability to succeed—are generally more resilient in the face of economic shifts.

Don't be the guy who has to call another man every time something breaks in his house. Learn the basics. There is a quiet dignity in being the guy who can handle a situation without panicking. It also saves you a lot of money, which you can then spend on things that don't make you feel like a loser. For instance, being the guy who knows his way around a kitchen is a better dating strategy than owning a loud car.

Managing Your Emotions and Your Mouth

Control is the hallmark of a man who has his life together. This doesn't mean you become a robot. It means you don't let your temper or your ego drive the bus. I’ve seen men blow up their entire careers over a single email sent in a moment of pique. I’ve seen guys lose the respect of their families because they couldn't handle a minor inconvenience without throwing a tantrum.

I remember a guy I worked with at a warehouse years ago. He was the strongest guy on the floor, but he had the emotional maturity of a toddler. One day, a supervisor gave him some mild feedback on his packing speed. He lost it. He screamed, threw a pallet, and walked out. He felt like a big man for ten minutes. He felt like an idiot for the next six months while he struggled to pay rent. Total lack of self-regulation. Learn to pause. The gap between a stimulus and your reaction is where your character lives.

The Importance of Physical Standards

Your body is the only place you have to live. If you treat it like a dumpster, don't be surprised when the plumbing stops working. Physical strength isn't about vanity; it's about utility. A Harvard Health report notes that maintaining muscle mass as you age is directly linked to cognitive health and longevity. It is much harder to be a productive, confident man when you are winded by a flight of stairs.

You don't need to be a bodybuilder. You just need to be hard to kill. This means getting enough sleep, lifting something heavy a few times a week, and eating something besides processed garbage. If you look like you take care of yourself, the world treats you differently. It may not be fair, but it’s the reality of human psychology. You are your own primary project. Work on the engine before you worry about the paint job.

Becoming a man isn't something that happens to you because you turned eighteen or twenty-one. It's something you earn through a thousand small, boring choices. You stay consistent when it's annoying. You keep your word when it's inconvenient. You keep your head when everyone else is losing theirs. And above all, you remember that first rule. Don't be a dick. It's the foundation of everything else.

—Your Bro