“How long should I wait before I text her again?”
This is one of the most common questions I receive from guys in the dating pool. Depending on who you ask, the answer could greatly vary. Some say you shouldn’t wait. Others think you should wait at least a week before rekindling the romance via SMS. In reality, none of that will matter if you master this one concept: setting up the next date while you’re currently on the date.
But wait… wouldn’t that seem needy, or presumptuous? Absolutely not, and here’s why. If you’re spending time with a lovely lady, and you’re clearly vibing, chances are the conversation has reached a point where you’re discussing hobbies, fun places to eat and drink, or other interests you share. This is how you find common ground with someone, show them that you’re alike, and ultimately form a bond.
If you study the art of pickup, one of the lessons they preach is running multiple conversation threads with a woman, and always reverting back to these various topics throughout your interactions. They become mini “themes” that frequently populate your dialogue, bringing you closer together. Multi-threading is a natural pattern amongst close friends and lovers when the conversation switches often between subjects. One minute, you can be talking about a movie you just saw, and then suddenly someone remembers that tomorrow is Doug’s birthday and they switch to that topic. This builds rapport with your date, and breeds familiarity between you.
While “multi-threading”, be sure to mention a really great restaurant in the neighborhood, or the trendy bar that offers the outrageously expensive / delicious / large drinks … anything of this nature will do. It could be live music, cool artwork, whatever. Just something that makes the venue or activity (i.e. axe throwing, mini golf, escape room) stand out and conversation-worthy. Once it’s established, you can mention to her that you’ll “take her there someday”.
Instead of ending the date and then guessing when the best time to text and set up the next date is, lock in that next date while you’re still out with her. As the date winds down, bring it up by saying something like:
“Why don’t we check out that Spanish restaurant we talked about next Tuesday?”
“How’s about we try those spicy margaritas Wednesday night?”
“Ya know, that cover band I mentioned is supposed to be back next Thursday. Let’s plan to check them out”
She will of course say “yes” since you’re vibing with her, as there is no reason to say “no” unless she’s out of town the entire following week. When she says yes, tell her you’ll text her to coordinate details. That’s it.
You’ve taken control of the situation, locked in your next date, and established that a text will be sent for the purpose of finalizing details. There will be no guessing about when to reach out, nor what to talk about. There will be no anxiety about asking her out again, and no fear of rejection. She already said yes, and now you are just finalizing a date and time. It feels natural, it capitalized on the momentum you’ve created (read more on momentum; very important ), and it minimizes the opportunity to fuck up with awkwardness.
Congratulations; you’ve gotten yourself another date.
– Your Big Bro
