Lying is for the Fearful: Why Strong Men Never Lie

Lying isn't a strategy for success; it is a confession of weakness. Discover why the truth is the only path for a man who wants to live without fear

By Your Bro · Tue Feb 16 2021 · Self Improvement

If you tell me you never lie, you are probably lying to me right now. Most people use dishonesty like a social lubricant to avoid a momentary sting, but they don't realize they are actually rotting their foundation from the inside out.

The Anatomy of the Lie

How often do you lie? Daily, in every conversation, or never? If you said yes to never, you're the rarest breed of human on the planet. Unfortunately, almost everyone lies at some point in their lives. Sadly, there are those who pride themselves on their ability to lie, believing the idea that being a "good liar" can help them get over on people. Well, I'm here to blow up that entire idea. The truth is that lying to someone demonstrates you are fearful of them. Hence, it's crucial to understand why strong men never lie.

Lying reveals weakness. A truly brave man is able to confront the truth head-on because he isn't afraid of what other people think. Lying is the exact opposite of this. If you analyze any situation in which a lie can be told, you'll find some form of fear as the underlying reason for the lie's existence. Research from the American Psychological Association has shown that people who make a conscious effort to tell fewer lies experience significantly better physical and mental health. Lying is high-calorie work. It takes effort to maintain the facade, and that stress adds up.

Fear of Domestic Conflict

Take Jim. Jim lies to his girlfriend, Kate, about going to a bar with his friends and instead goes to a strip club. The reason for the lie is simple: His girlfriend Kate doesn't want Jim going to strip clubs, so his lie placates her and allows Jim to do what he wants. The reality is that Jim is afraid of Kate's reaction and wants to avoid a fight because he's afraid of how it will make him feel.

Or even deeper than this, Jim's afraid to have a frank discussion with Kate to get to the root of the issues. Why does she hate strip clubs? Why does she feel the need to project her feelings onto his life? What makes her think she can tell him what to do? Why does he want to go to a strip club? All of these discussion points are scary to Jim, so he lies to avoid facing them. Jim is fearful of Kate. He thinks he’s being a player, but he’s actually just a mouse hiding in the corner of his own relationship. I've noted before that once you become the leader you were created to be, you don't have to hide your actions because your mission dictates your boundaries.

The Insecure Bragger

Then there is Dave. Dave is on a date with Amanda and brags about his lifestyle, alluding to the idea that he earns six figures per year even though he really makes $65,000. Dave wants Amanda to like him and assumes she will be impressed by wealth. The reality is that Dave is an insecure man concerned that his actual salary is not enough to impress her. He is uncomfortable with his own situation and doesn't believe his personality or character are enough. Dave is afraid of being rejected because he thinks he doesn't meet her standards. Dave is fearful of Amanda.

It’s a strange phenomenon when a man feels the need to invent a life he hasn't earned. It’s even stranger when you realize that Pew Research indicates that honesty and openness are consistently rated as the most important traits by people looking for a partner. By lying, Dave is effectively dating someone who likes a ghost, not a human. He’s stuck playing a character in a movie he can’t afford to produce.

The Political Chameleon

Robert is a Trump supporter, but the girl he's been seeing, Jane, is a liberal who hates Trump. When politics comes up, Robert plays it off as if he doesn't care and says he thinks Trump is crazy. Robert is afraid his political beliefs will harm his relationship. The reality is that Robert is afraid of having a serious discussion because he fears their obvious misalignment will cause her to dump him. His fear of confrontation forces him down a path where he must continually lie to stay with her. Appeasement is his reality, not actual living. Robert fears being rejected by Jane and doesn't want Jane to know his real self. This is why I always tell guys that dating in today's broken world requires you to be polarized. If she hates who you really are, it’s better to find out on Thursday than three years into a marriage.

The Professional Fraud

Stan works in sales. His manager requires ten meetings a week. Stan hasn't met the threshold, so he creates fake activity in the database. He thinks it’s easier to just "make it up" to get off the radar. But Stan is creating a cycle of failure. If he simply asked for help, he would be on his way toward improving his output. Instead, his fear of being perceived as a poor salesperson is putting him at a long-term disadvantage. He also risks being fired for lying. Stalling doesn't solve problems; it just feeds the monster.

I remember a guy I worked with years ago, a real smooth talker named Mike. He spent more time faking spreadsheets than it would have taken to actually do the work. He thought he was the smartest guy in the room because the boss didn't catch him for six months. When he finally got nailed, he didn't just lose his job; he lost his reputation in the whole industry. Nobody wanted to hire the guy who lived in a fantasy land. It turns out that BLS data doesn't track the rate of "faked meetings," but common sense says your career has a ceiling as high as your integrity.

The Fear of Being Alone

Tommy and Justine have been dating on and off for two years. Justine treats Tommy poorly, but Tommy tolerates it because she is very attractive. When Tommy sees Justine, he lies to his friends and family and tells them he's out with someone else. Tommy is afraid of being judged. He doesn't want to be forced to make a decision on his future. The reality is that Tommy is purposely delaying the inevitable. He fears being alone. Tommy lies because he's afraid of facing reality.

As demonstrated, all lies are driven by a fear of something: rejection, fights, judgment, being fired, or confrontation. A man who is sure of himself and his vision has no reason to lie about anything. Brave, confident men use their fear to push them to the next level. Fear doesn't cause them to misrepresent themselves in life. Be a man of conviction. Know who you are and where you're going. Never let yourself become a fearful liar.

—Your Bro