Being a father is the most important job you will ever have on this planet. But before you do that, you’ll make the most important decision of your life when you choose the woman who will bring your child into the world. Let’s face it, her being a great girlfriend doesn’t automatically mean she will be an excellent wife. The skills required to satisfy you at each phase of your life will vary. What’s good for you at 27 might not work at 35.
Here’s the tricky part: what makes her a good wife doesn’t necessarily guarantee she will be a great mom. When deciding who to reproduce with, you’re forced to consider life far into the future instead of the present moment. Becoming a parent changes your life in so many ways; ways which require new methods and routines from both you and your lady in order to succeed.
Keep pulling out until you consider these points about assessing her suitability for motherhood:
Selfless: is she more interested in how many likes her selfies on Instagram get than figuring out how to plan for the future? Does she put herself above all others in all situations? What’s her relationship with her parents and siblings like? Does she attend important family events, or is she prioritizing the girls trip to Vegas? Does she sacrifice her time and energy for her loved ones, or is it always all about her? If you’re seeing selfish trends, this is not the right woman to reproduce with. On the flip side, if she has shown the ability to sacrifice and help others, she’s passed the first test.
Hard working: being a parent is exhausting, and making that transition is easier for people who are used to working hard. For those who are lazy and low energy, parenting will shock them to their core. Look for signs she can grind when necessary. Does she have a demanding job? Has she held jobs consistently in the past? Does she retreat at the sign of difficulty, or does she meet problems head on? Do strenuous activities scare her, or can she roll up her sleeves and get it done? If she isn’t hard working, either you or her better have a lot of money, because you’ll be outsourcing lots of parenting duties.
Problem solver or victim: When faced with challenges, people either figure them out and move on, or cry and complain about them hoping for pity and handouts. As a parent, you’ll be juggling lots of challenges every day, causing you to either cry, freeze, or figure it out. The best parents know how to use their brain to bring solutions to the table and then move forward. You’ve got to do it for the sake of your children.
Patience: does she demonstrate an ability to be patient, or does she fly off the handle quickly? A hot headed mom will only make the situation at home exponentially worse, so choosing someone with a level head is essential. All situations aren’t life and death, and some may require short term pain for long term gain. Patient people understand this and see the big picture. Hot heads do not, and they tear the big picture into a thousand pieces.
Logical: let’s face it, some people lack the ability to critically think. They’re presented with facts and they default to making emotionally driven decisions. When you become a parent, you become part of a larger team. Within that team, logical decisions must be made to promote the health and well being of the family. Logical people pick their battles, understanding things are never perfect and only certain situations require an argument. They can see other points of view and work together WITH their partner towards finding solutions, rather than emotionally dragging out conflicts. You’re going to want a woman who can be reasoned with.
Does she really want it? Or is she checking a box based on pressures from family, society, or a ticking body clock? Sad as it sounds, many people get married and have kids because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do at a particular stage of their lives. They’re in it for the wrong reasons, going through the motions and checking items off a list instead of enjoying the ride called life. When the going gets tough, these people will bail on you. That doesn’t mean they always leave, but you won’t get their full effort, and they withdraw emotionally. If the quarterback has weak pass protection because one of his lineman is half-assing it, that quarterback will be continually sacked until he’s injured to the point of being stretchered out of the game. You don’t want to be that quarterback. Find someone who is all in.
Generous: as a parent you’re constantly giving, whether it be time, energy, emotion, money, resources, etc. You DO get things in return; most notably the love of your child and the priceless moments of their lives. Just know you’ll be giving more than you ever have, at many times sacrificing what you’re used to for the sake of your kids. If you’re thinking about having kids with her, make sure she isn’t a selfish person. Look for examples of her giving her time, energy, emotion, money or material possessions to others. If this is a struggle for her, she might have a very difficult transition to motherhood. All moms do is give, twenty four hours per day. If this is a foreign concept to her, she may not be ready to be a mom.
Responsible: Would you trust her to watch your dog for the weekend? Is she a responsible house sitter? Does she make good decisions for herself, or is she a reckless thrill seeker? Can she maintain a decent home, or does she rely on others to do everything for her? Is she more concerned with having her sixth glass of wine than getting up for work on time the next day? Is she in serious debt, or does she have a handle on her finances? Does she take care of her body? Has she been known to abuse substances? Is she mentally stable? Does she read? Is she curious? All of these behaviors are indicators of how she will perform as a mother. People don’t just switch these things off like a light bulb. Yes, we must allow people room to improve, and we can’t expect perfection immediately, which is why you’ve got to look at the entirety of her life to understand if she’s truly responsible enough to be responsible for another human life.
Alignment: are you in agreement on values, morals, and methods of raising your children? If not, you’re going to be sending lots of mixed messages to your kids, and you’ll never be able to present a united front when disciplining them. This includes religion, politics, philosophies on life, parenting, discipline, and cultural norms. You must present a united front in the home. That stability gives your children the foundation to grow and lead normal healthy lives.
If any of these points are a major concern for you, it’s imperative that you have a serious conversation with her before impregnating her. Do not expect the birth announcement to miraculously fix any problems she has. People tend to fall back into behaviors they are comfortable with. Don’t expect a miracle from her, even though having a baby is a miracle in and of itself.
– Your Big Bro