Lots of guys hold on to relationships they should’ve ended months, or even years, prior. I see it all the time; guy comes into work for nine months straight and complains about his girlfriend, talks about how much he’d love to be single again, and feels like a prisoner in the relationship. When you ask this poor fellow why he stays with her, he’ll say he “loves her”. Usually, what that really means is that he is afraid of one, or several, of the following things: being alone, being single, not being able to get laid, the single scene, his family’s reaction to the news, or change in general. It sounds pathetic, but it’s very real for many guys. Our fear can prevent us from evolving.
Something in the back of their head is keeping them there. The fear is real. They don’t want to make a mistake by ending it. Their challenge is most likely lack of confidence or lack of experience. Guys that have been through it before know that there are telltale signs pointing to the breakup, and the longer they’re ignored the harder it is to cut ties.
Relationships can be confusing, and your emotions can mask the underlying issues and shortcomings that you have with your partner. That’s why it’s important to be aware of some key indicators that the relationship has run it’s course, and it’s time to move on. Without further ado, it’s Entering Manhood’s Top Ten Signs You Should Break Up:
#10- Annoyed. You find her a lot more annoying than usual. Sometimes your subconscious is telling you that it’s time to move on, but your mind doesn’t pick up on it. Instead, the feelings will manifest as a rude disposition towards your girl. Essentially, everything she does will annoy you, and you’ll catch yourself being mean to her. If this happens, it’s time to slow down, take a look inward, and try to understand why you are so annoyed by her. Maybe your soul is annoyed that you’re hanging on to something that is truly just a waste of time.
#9- Daydreaming. Your mind wanders while you’re with her. This is very different than having a “wandering eye” and looking at other chicks. If your mind wanders while you’re together, and you think about some of the things you “could be” doing or would “rather be” doing, that is a strong indicator that the relationship isn’t meeting your needs. It’s time for a full evaluation.
#8- Lazy bum. You become lazy and demotivated. I remember when Howard Stern was going through his divorce, over a decade ago, and on the air he’d discuss how he just wanted to sit in the basement and watch TV. He had zero interest in planning trips or fun outings with his wife. A lot of guys experience this exact same feeling, but don’t identify it as a sign to cut bait. They may feel it’s a “rough patch”, or being “comfortable” with each other, but what it really means is that the relationship is broken and you feel paralyzed. You sit and let yourself rot rather than address the problem head on. Realistically, you should always want to “date” your girl, whether the relationship is six months or sixteen years old. If you don’t have that urge, it’s time to re-evaluate…
#7- My plans, not ours. You find yourself making future plans without her. If you don’t see her in your future, or you don’t want to spend time with her in the future, news flash- it’s over! Lots of guys end up building completely separate lives from their girl, but they keep her around in the background. That is recipe for disaster. Eventually it’ll lead to some resentment, trust issues and one or both of you being unfaithful. Messy stuff. If the next six months don’t include her, cut it while you’re still civil.
#6- Avoidance. If you consistently look for other things to fill your schedule in an effort to avoid seeing her, you should probably avoid being in a relationship altogether. Seeing her should excite you. It should be something you look forward to. If you’re jamming stuff into the calendar without considering when you’ll see her, it’s a clear sign to end it.
#5- A walk down memory lane. I’ll be the first person to tell you that you should never, under any circumstances, move backwards. Life is about evolving and moving forward, so reconsidering your old flames is a tremendous no-no. The moment that you start to daydream about your exes is the moment you should reconsider your current companion. There’s a reason why your exes are in the past, right? Sometimes there are several reasons. Whatever those reasons are, they proved to you that the person you were with wasn’t providing you with what you want and/or need to have a successful relationship. So, why would these inadequate relationships creep back into your consciousness? Chances are, your subconscious has been evaluating your current relationship against all of your prior, failed relationships, and that evaluation has exposed serious holes in your current situation. The moment an ex appears to be an enticing option is the moment you should add one to that ex list.
#4- Excusing yourself. If you’re lucky enough to have great in-laws, consider yourself blessed. Most people would rather not spend the weekend with their girl’s set of people, whether it be friends, family, or coworkers. However, when you love someone, you do it with a smile on your face because it’s the right thing to do and it makes your significant other happy. In a failing relationship, there always comes a point in time where you find yourself avoiding her family, friends and work events. Just think about it; at the beginning of the relationship, you were excited to meet her network of people, get them to like and accept you, and prove that you were the right choice for their special girl. Now, you’re doing everything in your power to avoid the company happy hour, the couples dinner, or grandma’s 90th birthday party. I’d say “shame on you”, but let’s be honest; you can’t help how you feel. When being seen at her side loses its allure, it’s time to detach.
#3- Going through the motions. We see it with athletes that want to be traded and employees that want to quit their hated job. They are robotic, lethargic, and passionless. They don’t want to put any extra effort in, and do just enough to get by. This unfortunately happens in relationships, too. Everyone has down periods in their year, and you can’t be expected to always be 100% on your game. There is, however, a certain threshold of expected reciprocal effort required in a successful relationship. If you find yourself feeling tired and unmotivated in showing your love for your partner, it could mean that you’re over it and don’t want to waste any more of your energy on a relationship that your subconscious knows will fail. If your heart isn’t in it, you shouldn’t force it. Breaking up is hard to do…
#2- Making moves. You really want to hook up with other people, so you take actions to do just that. Sending texts you shouldn’t? Re-activating that online dating profile? Flirting with that random chick at the bar? Once your body starts to take action, you’ve opened Pandora’s Box and there is no turning back. Have the conversation immediately and just end it. You don’t want to end up waking up one morning staring down the barrel of a gun like Ray Liotta’s character, Henry Hill, in Goodfellas…
#1- You can have her. This sign is totally represented by one single feeling; you wouldn’t care if she hooked up with someone else. Deep down, you’re praying she meets someone else. Just man up and end it. It’s completely unnatural for you to be even remotely okay with the idea of her getting down and dirty with another man, so if you’re feeling that way, it will never be the same. She’s crossed into more than just friend zone; it’s the goodbye zone. Cut your losses and start living the single life.