“Breaking up is hard to do” . It always has been, and it always will be, because people have a hard time dealing with change and letting go, especially when they’ve developed unique bonds with another person.
We get used to the person we are dating and then get set in our ways and routines. This becomes our rhythm for several months (or even years) as we have adapted to our partner. Unfortunately, all stories do not have happy endings, and most relationships end up heading towards a break up. Strong, self-aware people recognize this persistent feeling of unhappiness and they pull the trigger to end the relationship. No matter how the breakup is executed, it is never easy dealing with the fallout. How does someone move forward without feelings of loneliness, sadness or regret?
“How do I get over her?”
I get this question often, and if you follow these five methods, your ex will feel like ancient history in a few short months:
1) Stay Busy: focus your time and energy in other places. Keep yourself busy. If it means putting in extra time at the job, or some additional sessions in the gym, do it. Set up plans with your friends and do fun things. Visit your family and hang out with loved ones. You will get caught up thinking about so many other things that you’ll avoid being stuck in your own head.
2) Don’t Drown in your Thoughts: The absolute worst thing you can do is sit at home alone, thinking about her and the failed relationship. Your mind will start to gravitate towards all of the “good times” with that person, and you’ll forget all of the reasons why you actually broke up. It’s also possible that you’ll begin to ponder all of the ways you could have acted differently to “save” the relationship.
Just know that the reason why you made the choices you did while you were in the relationship is because you were being who you naturally are. You were living your life, and the moment you have to change who you are to adapt to another person to “save a relationship” is the trigger to know that the relationship does not work! Plain and simple, it is a bad match and it’s time to move on.
3) Out of Sight: If you eliminate all evidence of the relationship, you are less likely to be reminded of it. As they say, out of sight, out of mind. In order to do this, you must take the important step of purging this person from your life. Delete their phone number, texts, emails, and photos. Block them on all social media. Stop talking to their friends and family. If they gave you any sentimental gifts, get rid of them. This person is no longer in your life, so why should traces of your relationship be in your face? Cut it clean and there will be no sentimental thoughts or drunk texts.
4) Accept the Facts: In time, you will have a moment of acceptance, which is twofold. On one side, you will accept that the relationship just was not going to work long term, and the longer it persisted, the longer you would have been unhappy. That is completely toxic. Accept that the relationship did not make you happy, even though you did try to make it work.
On the other side, you will accept the fact that you are who you are, and certain things will need to be present in a relationship in order for it to be successful for you. Clearly, your ex was unable to provide you with certain things you needed to make the relationship work. They might not be the things you think you want, but they will be the things that you absolutely need in order to move forward. Remember these things, and be sure that your next partner does provide them to you. If they don’t, In no way should you commit to them, because it is doomed to fail.
5) Stay positive! The woman who will give you what you need actually exists out there, and right now she’s probably wondering where the man of her dreams is. You are not alone in the way you feel, and take comfort in that. Dating is one long string of failures, until it isn’t. Then BAM, you’re married with a house in the suburbs, complaining about how you never get laid anymore (every married man I’ve met says this). Take your time. Dating is trial and error. Eventually you’ll meet the person that checks the boxes and makes you feel complete, and then it’ll be time to buy her a ring. Until then, enjoy the ride and have faith that one day it’ll all be worth it.
– Your Big Bro