You open your phone on a Saturday afternoon and Facebook notifies you that your buddy and his girlfriend are engaged. Before you know it, you’re getting a save the date in the mail for an out of state wedding in nine months. When the official invite arrives, it includes you “and guest,” causing you to start considering your next move. Whether you’re exclusively or casually dating someone, you have a decision to make. Be forewarned, once she’s your wedding date, the relationship is officially on another level. Is she Plus 1 worthy? How to decide if you’re ready for this big move and the evolution it will cause in your relationship
Side note: before anything else, you may want to call your buddy to gauge how many single ladies (if any) will be in attendance.
Understand, bringing her to a wedding will accelerate the seriousness of your relationship tenfold. It’s something every man should know the consequences of before asking a lady to accompany him. Think through these five factors before letting your buddy know you’ll be bringing a “plus one”.
Plus 1 Worthy of Your Friends?
In all likelihood, this event will force you to introduce the lady to your friends. They might be friends from your childhood, work, or an activity, but either way they’re all going to meet. She will also meet their girlfriends and wives, and likely will connect on social media.
IF YOU’RE SERIOUS: Congrats, you’ve officially integrated her with your friends or co-workers, and setting up double dates will be fun. Make sure your buddies know not to say anything stupid about you or your past conquests in front of her. Beware of mixing both worlds too aggressively. Maintain your space above all.
IF YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS: It’ll just make splitting up that much harder, and you run the risk of her befriending someone’s girlfriend which could keep her in the picture for longer than you’d hoped. In a more rare case, she may end up dating someone else from this group later on, and you’ll have to be around it and her for an extended period of time.
Introducing Her to Family
Pay attention, because this is the big one. Never take the family introduction lightly. Reserve this for the highest quality female you meet. If you’re bringing her home to mamma, you better mean business.
IF YOU‘RE SERIOUS: This is a good thing. It shows her you are committed and want her in your life, while giving your family an understanding that you’re serious about the relationship. It’s an easier, less threatening environment for her to meet your family, as it’s a big group that’s drinking, eating, dancing and having fun. She will probably buddy up with one of your fun aunts or cool cousins, and it’ll be smooth sailing from there.
IF YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS: Good luck, pal. Do you want everyone in your family asking about her for the next six months? Or how about dealing with them being connected to her on social media? Would you enjoy answering questions about your status? Have you thought about the fact that she’s going to be in photos with you and your family? You’re giving the wrong impression to everyone, including her. Don’t bring her if she isn’t at the very least, your future ex girlfriend.
Plus 1 Worthy and Relationship Status
Another tremendous factor to consider is the wedding WILL undoubtedly raise questions about your relationship status, from both her and others. Realistically, you’ll be forced to introduce her to everyone there. While you could do this by simply saying her name, omitting a title may prompt her to ask you about this later on.
Say the wrong title, i.e. “my friend”, and you could upset her and ruin the chemistry. On the flip side, if you call her your “girlfriend” too soon, it could make things awkward between you. Adding more complication to this could be other wedding guests, who might ask you if you’re “dating” or “a couple”. This will put you on the spot and cause unnecessary stress and awkwardness if you and her aren’t aligned.
IF YOU’RE SERIOUS: Prep her for this question and have an honest discussion. Try something like “my crazy aunt keeps asking if she’s going to meet my girlfriend at the wedding, so if she asks about us I’m going to tell her it’s you just to shut her up”. See how she reacts to this, and recalibrate your plan.
IF YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS: Introduce her by her name, and if she asks about your status just be honest. The worst thing that can happen will be the relationship ending, which you don’t care about anyway.
Introspection and Extreme Feelings
Weddings are all about love, passion, and other serious couple topics. They demonstrate an extreme commitment between two people dedicated to spending the rest of their living years together. The ceremony, speeches, music, dancing and symbolism create a powerful setting sure to trigger some feelings and introspection in your date (especially if she’s a few drinks deep).
Be forewarned, at some point during the night, she’s going to picture her own wedding. It may prompt her to question why she isn’t engaged or married yet, which can lead to a number of consequences.
IF YOURE NOT SERIOUS: Good luck dealing with the questions about your future together. This “fun time” just got serious to her, and there’s no going back. If she asks you “can you picture us getting married one day?”, what will you say? If you answer “yes”, you’ll be lying. You’ll have a tough time getting out of that in the future. If you say “no” or “I’m not sure”, you’ll likely have a pretty shitty conversation about why you’re not compatible, likely ending the fling.
IF YOU’RE SERIOUS: Congratulations! This is now a topic of conversation for you two (if it wasn’t already). When she’s equally serious about you, your relationship will evolve due to these conversations. If she starts thinking about her own wedding and doesn’t picture you in it, this could signal the end of your relationship. It isn’t a bad thing, because why on earth would you want to waste any more time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Realistically, there’s a very strong possibility you’ll be sleeping over at the wedding, meaning you and your date will be sharing a room together. This is a very good test of the relationship, and it also almost guarantees sex. On top of this, if the wedding requires some travel, you’ll be spending two or three straight days together. Much of this time could potentially be with other wedding guests at the welcome event or brunch the next day.
IF YOU’RE SERIOUS: Saddle up, cowboy! You’re getting laid. On top (no pun intended) of this, the experience will give you a sense of how she lives, organizes herself, and how it would potentially feel living together. Are you excited to wake up next to her? Can you tolerate 72 straight hours together without being bored or annoyed? Does it feel natural? This is one way to get to know her extremely well.
IF YOURE NOT SERIOUS: You’re locked into at least a full night together, and you probably can’t send her home in an Uber. Sadly, this must be what prison feels like. Additionally, you’re also engaging in activities that serious couples are used to, so you run the risk of her developing some strong feelings and expectations. Be aware, this could be a major let down for her when it’s time to call it quits. Don’t lead her on.
No matter what you decide, have a good time and make sure to tip the bartender!
– Your Big Bro