How to be “Non Needy” and Succeed in Dating

The least attractive trait in a person is neediness. It can make an average man avoid a “ten” like she lives in a leper colony. “Stage five clingers” will scare the most desperately single person away. Funny enough, understanding this concept demonstrates knowledge of both economics and attraction. Simply stated, scarce products are more valuable, and people always want things perceived as valuable. Do you want to learn how to be “non needy” and succeed in dating? Consider the following rules.

Texting in a “Non Needy” Way

SMS communication is useful because it gives you the luxury to think through responses, while responding at your own pace. However, having such ease of assess to casually text your crush can tempt you into over-communicating. So, if you text her twice and she doesn’t text you back, stop texting her. The double text makes you look needy and entirely fixated on her.

Do “Non Needy” Voicemails Exist?

Listen up, because the rule of thumb is simple when it comes to voice messages. Don’t leave them unless it’s extremely urgent or gravely important. The missed call she sees from you should be enough for a call or text back. You have multiple ways to get in touch, but the voicemail conveys a sense of neediness. Watch this scene from ‘Swingers’ as an extreme lesson on what to avoid doing.

non needy focused man

Stay Focused

Sadly, chasing women is a loser’s game because you prioritize the wrong things and neglect important growth areas. Never compromise the success of your career for someone you’re dating. You’ve worked hard to get where you are today, and nobody should ever hold you back from that. A good partner will understand this and will push you to do the best you can. The same goes for compromising your education, neglecting your friends and forgetting about your family.

First Date Follow Up

After a first date, it’s acceptable to send a follow up text whenever you want. It could be an hour after the date, or several days after the date. Tell her it was nice to meet her and you had a great time. When she responds, it doesn’t give you the green light to text her whenever you want. Assuming you decide to text her again, it should be solely to set up the next date. Show discipline and control your impulses. It may take her some time to reply, so don’t freak out. There could be a thousand reasons why. Take solace in the fact that you’ll live if she never responds.

Don’t Cry.

Unless it’s a death or a horrible accident, you shouldn’t be crying in front of the person you’re dating. You look softer than mashed potatoes by welling up in front of your girl. Some people may tell you that you need to be “emotionally available”, and that may be true. Nothing outside of death, terrible illness or a horrible accident should make you break down in front of your girl. Everything else can be fixed, and does not equate to total devastation. You’re a problem solver and you’re tough as nails. Suck it up!

Never Beg.

Sadly, I’ve seen guys beg girls for a kiss, a date, and a phone number. Have you really lowered yourself to sub-human status? It doesn’t matter if you’re drunk. Begging is for losers that can’t obtain what they want in a natural, normal way. Unless you have some sort of weird fetish, you should never beg for anything, ever.

non needy experienced man

Act Like You’ve Been There Before

It may be your first kiss, your first sexual encounter, or the greatest date you’ve ever been on. Sure, you can feel the butterflies inside, but should you be giggling and dancing like a schoolboy? Absolutely not. Put on a poker face and tell yourself it’s no big deal. Showing her how amazing she is too early on may give her a big head. She may start to believe she can treat you any way she wants, and you’ll keep coming back for more. You’re a hamster running on a wheel at that point.

Know She Has Other Things To Do

Don’t make her feel guilty for having a life. Accept the fact that she is a grown adult woman with her own friends, family, job or career. So many guys will make their girl feel bad for going on a girls night or a work trip. There’s no better way to make a female resent you and think you’re a weak little whiny bitch than by making her feel guilty for doing things without you. She’s her own person. That independence and non-neediness should turn you on.

Assuming makes an “Ass” out of U and Me

It’s a mistake to assume you had plans. A lot of guys fall into this pitfall early in the relationship. They’re dating this great girl for a few weeks and they automatically assume that when the weekend rolls around that they have plans with her. When she tells him she is already booked, the guy gets super disappointed and conveys this to the girl. Once you start assuming you have plans with her, it means you’ve cleared your calendar and have nothing else going on. That means you’re needy, because you need her to have a social life. This makes your product very available and way less valuable. Low survival value. Moving on…

non needy free man

Be Your Own Man

Sure, it’s fine to consider her opinion and her desires, but when she starts telling you what to wear, how to groom, or who to hang out with, you have two options. One, bow down to the great and powerful vagina and do exactly as she says. Or two, think about it, thank her for her input, but follow your gut and do what you want to do.

Nobody in this world has the right to tell you how to run your life. Ever hear the saying “give him an inch and he’ll take a mile”? This directly applies here, because once you let someone tell you what to do and you comply, you open the door to being someone’s bitch for the rest of your life.

No Complaining, No Excuses

It doesn’t matter how strong, sexy or successful you are. Complaining about things makes you come across as a whiny bitch. End of story. It’s okay to identify problems, ONLY if you provide solutions. If you’ve ever watched the show Bar Rescue, the star of the show is a business man named Jon Taffer that goes into run down bars and fixes them up, while correcting the flaws in management along the way.

Taffer lives by the saying “I don’t embrace excuses, I embrace solutions”. How alpha is that? Talk about high survival value. Always keep that in the back of your head. It you catch yourself being a complainer, correct your mindset and remember to focus on the solution, not the problem.

Go With The Flow

So many guys will act very high maintenance when asked to do things they aren’t comfortable doing. What are you, a stiff? Are you that rigid that you can’t adapt? Being unable to adapt means you don’t evolve, which conveys low survival value according to Darwin’s theory of evolution. If you and your girl are in an uncomfortable situation, don’t throw a hissy fit. Be a man and plow through.

Be Patient and Take Things Slow

Relationships are supposed to me marathons, not sprints. With that in mind, you shouldn’t be in a rush to move things to the next level. There will be time to settle down with her, and if she’s the one you’ll spend the rest of your lives together. Similarly, being patient also applies to having sex. Do not pressure her to have sex too quickly. Applying pressure for sex or status implies you are in need of something, thus making you less attractive to her. Go with the flow and take it easy; it’ll happen at the right time.

non needy man

Don’t Worry if She Likes You

Pay close attention, because herein lies the ultimate dating mindset adjustment. While you’re on a date, the only thing you should be thinking about is if you like her. If you like her and she doesn’t like you, there’s nothing you can do to force her to like you. Since it’s out of your control, why worry? When she likes you, the entire situation is in your control.

Throughout the process, you should be vetting her to see if she fits your criteria. Can she give you what you want? Is she able to provide you with what you need? Does she demonstrate an ability hang with you? When you’re with her, does she make you laugh? Focus on the qualities that matter and you’ll never waste time with an incompatible partner.

Equal Effort?

Investment in a relationship should be equal from both sides. Simply stated, don’t put in more than she does. If she says “jump”, you should not say “how high?” When you find yourself going above and beyond and she’s simply just showing up, you have a problem. Never do you want to come across as if you’re forcing it, as this is a huge turn off. A healthy relationship is fifty-fifty. If she doesn’t contribute adequate time, attention, or emotion, the relationship is a means to an end. When you recognize yourself falling down this hole, snap out of it and climb out quick. Failure to act will likely leave you crushed.

Those Three Words

Extreme caution! Do not rush telling her you love her. Lots of guys believe they’re in love, especially if the girl is rocking his world, but what they’re really feeling is lust. Love is a really serious emotion, meaning more than just having good times together. A healthy love means living your life for three parties: yourself, her, and the two of you as a couple. Once you say you love her, you can’t go back. Be damned sure you mean it before you broach the subject, as non-reciprocation means the end of the relationship.

Forget the Exes

Do not compare yourself to her exes, even if it is human nature to. Comparison makes you appear weak and needy, seeking validation due to insecurity. Why would you obsess over some other guy? Is he that amazing that you can’t stop thinking about him? Don’t put this chump on a pedestal, as he should not be the gold standard in your mind.

They broke up for one or several reasons, which means you’re already superior because you’re still with her. Logically, you provide more to her life, implying more survival value. Comparing yourself to her exes demonstrates your inner confidence isn’t enough to validate you. However, if her ex is hanging around, this is an entirely different problem.

You’re Her Only Man

Unless you’re into swinger stuff, do not accept her having any romantic relations with other men. Making excuses for this behavior is as weak as it gets. Monogamy is something that can never be compromised. Should she want to be with other guys, or still feels for them, let her go. If she isn’t over him and begins a relationship with you, your entire foundation is compromised. You shouldn’t be sharing her heart, mind, or body with anyone because you are not a means to an end. Refuse to be used.

Don’t Be Cheap

Avoid having t-rex arms and don’t split the bill, even if she offers to. If you asked her out, pay the tab and don’t worry about the money. This demonstrates you can take care of her if you need to. Additionally, you are showing you are financially stable and aren’t in a desperate situation. If she’s asking to go to the nicest restaurants and begs you for a Louis Vuitton bag, chances are you have a gold digger on your hands. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.

Don’t be the guy who complains about not having money, or comments on how “expensive” something might be. If you’re bragging about how much money you saved or what a great discount you got, it’s unattractive. Nothing turns a woman off more than a cheap guy. In reality, you shouldn’t talk about money at all, even if you’re wealthy. When you’re dating, money shouldn’t be a topic of conversation until you decide to live together. Act like you’ve been there before and enjoy being in the moment. You can always make more money, but you can’t get do-overs on your life experiences.

Prioritize Reality

Games, hobbies and fantasies should not ever impact your mood. If your favorite team loses, don’t react like a maniac or pout like a little boy. Feel your emotions for five minutes and move on. When my beloved Rangers lost the Stanley Cup to the LA Kings in overtime of game five, I was a little upset immediately after the game. But after that, life went on and I fell asleep in bed next to my gorgeous girlfirend. There were no temper tantrums; nor did I cry and scream.

Too many guys live and die by their sports teams and television shows. They abandon reality and the priorities that come with it. These behaviors demonstrate low survival value, and ladies have difficulty respecting these men. Grown women do not want to make love to boys, the exception being these twisted middle school teachers I read about.

You Don’t Control Her

In a healthy relationship, you are her partner, not her keeper. Neither are you her father, nor her boss. Attempting to control her demonstrates a fear of her independence. For whatever reason, you want to keep her on a leash. Humans keep dogs on leashes so the dogs don’t run away.

If they run away, we may never find them again. They may get lost, hit by a car, or taken in by another human. Consequently, your girlfriend is not a pet. Show a fear of her independence reveals a massive insecurity; you’re afraid she will leave you. This is the ultimate sign neediness, as strong men recognize that a partner enhances their life, not sustains it. Know your worth.

⁃ Your Big Bro


  • Zman March 14, 2018

    A few more: She’s not your “friend”. Share your dreams, make her laugh, challenge her point of view, intrigue her, but don’t make her your therapist. Bringing your emotional problems to your woman is the kiss of death. Bring those issues to your men – only. Women do not want men that are whiny, cry-babies who need their women for emotional support. THEY need to rely on YOU. Go to your men for support – thats where you can take it all off and get yourself back together and be the man you need to be.
    2) Pussy is a commodity. There is no shortage of it. Women will try to trick you into thinking that their pussy is special, and unavailable and will manipulate you when they see that you ‘need’ sex from her. You don’t. You can get pussy anywhere.
    3) Be busy. Women really do not want you to be available, regardless of how much they bitch that you are not around. Don’t buy into the story. Your success and well being are your priority. Your men are your second priority. She comes in a close third. Apply this formula and no woman will ever dump you.

  • […] 1- Always be non-needy. This is the number one rule of attraction. Since attraction is not a choice, help your chances of being categorized as a “hot guy” by always demonstrating the most alpha quality: non neediness. The moment a woman sees signs of neediness in a man, she instantly loses respect for him and puts him into the friend zone. This is all tied to our primal instincts for survival and reproduction. Some helpful tips on how to be non-needy can be found here […]

  • Kathy September 26, 2018

    How do I get my boyfriend to realize we need alone time & that I should be important enough to time with (not always coming after long time friend & mother). Concerned in letting them down?!?!?!

    • enteringmanhood October 6, 2018

      Hey Kathy. Good question. The best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him. Do not attack him with statements like “you always”… keep the focus of the conversation on your needs. “It would make me happy if ___” and “I really would like ___”. Have rationale why you’d like alone time. If he does not change his behavior after that, it may be time to have a more serious discussion about the future of your relationship. Good luck!

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