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Dating

From the Mailbag: You’re the Prize.

Last week, I got a question from someone in our community about improving the way he approaches women. He felt he was automatically putting women he was interested in “on a pedestal”, and it was hurting his chances of actually scoring a date with them. I responded with advice I’ve given to several young men with the same predicament.

His question is a relevant one and something I didn’t learn until my early twenties. Like him, I put beautiful women on a pedestal and my entire “frame” with them suffered. I was starting the interaction from a disadvantaged position; one that caused them to look down on me instead of looking up to me, or at least eye level. My frame was absolutely shot.

For those that don’t understand what “frame” means in dating terminology: the frame can be defined as the set of mental conditions that give direction to everything that happens in an interaction.

Frame is the general framework of interaction; this is the reality as it is apprehended by the communicators involved.
Overcoming this obstacle involves adjusting your frame by tweaking your mindset. It wasn’t until I learned this that my success rate with women skyrocketed. There are three ways you can make this adjustment, which I will outline below. Remember, no matter what woman you interact with, your approach and mindset must be consistent.

1) Passing the Test: Remind yourself you must evaluate her before you give her any admiration. Just because she looks good doesn’t mean she is a quality individual. I would bet that aside from good looks, you also value brains, loyalty, sense of humor, morals, good hygiene, and self respect. Whatever it is you value besides looks, make sure you identify your top five attributes and evaluate her for those qualities. You’ll be amazed how quickly a “perfect ten” starts looking a lot more average if she isn’t passing your test.

2) A Few Good Men: Look around you. The dating pool is full of losers: softies, betas, guys with no confidence, no survival value, weak game, and no mission. Since you’re reading this, I assume you are a high value male with lots to offer. Never forget that. There are so many zeroes out there, and you’re not one of them. You rise above the competition and stand out from the pack.

3) Positive Self Talk: Tell yourself “I am the prize”, and remember she would be lucky to have a guy like you. It’s because you possess all of the traits most females are attracted to: mental strength, ambition, intelligence, morals, sense of humor, and class set you apart from the pack. The more you tell yourself this, the more you will begin to be sure of it. Once that happens, this mindset will materialize in your body language. Your frame will communicate you have plenty to offer the lady lucky enough to earn your companionship. If you believe it, so will other people.

Good luck out there, fellas.

– Your Big Bro