Al Brown: February’s Dad of the Month

Fatherhood is about the transition from being the protagonist of your own life to being the architect of someone else's. Al Brown shows us how it is done

By Your Bro · Fri Feb 28 2020 · Guy Stuff

Most modern advice on fatherhood sounds like it was written by people who have never had to clean vomit off a car seat at three in the morning. Real parenting is about the shift from being the main character to being the architect of someone else's world.

The Architecture of a Leader

This month, we honor Al Brown @al_b_16, who describes his experience with fatherhood as amazing. It is a word men use when they finally realize that the stakes of their life have shifted. Al is not just going through the motions. He is actively building. He tries to teach his three-year-old son Godly biblical principles, how to be responsible, how to apologize when he is wrong, and how to help others who need it. Even at such a young age, he sees his son put those actions in play, which warms his heart. It’s clear Al is definitely raising a leader.

Leadership in a toddler does not mean he is barking orders at the playground. It means he is developing the internal compass that will keep him upright when life eventually tries to knock him sideways. Research from the Pew Research Center indicates that an overwhelming majority of parents prioritize teaching honesty and ethical behavior over academic success. Al is getting ahead of the curve by starting at age three. He understands that becoming the leader you were created to be starts with the basics: saying sorry and helping the guy next to you.

Practice What You Preach

To Al, the most important part of parenting is to practice what you preach. Kids, especially boys, will model themselves after what you do; not what you say. If you tell your son to be patient while you are currently screaming at a guy who cut you off in traffic, he is not listening to your words. He is watching your hands on the steering wheel and the vein popping out of your neck. He is learning that “strength” is loud and reactionary. Al chooses a different path.

I remember a buddy of mine whose dad used to lecture him every Sunday about discipline while the old man sat on a recliner surrounded by empty beer cans and unfulfilled promises. My buddy didn't grow up disciplined; he grew up cynical. He learned that words are just noise people make to cover up their weaknesses. Al avoids this trap. He knows that his son is a high-definition recording device that never hits the stop button. If Al wants a son who is responsible, Al has to be the man who handles his business without complaining. It is the high cost of entry for being a hero in your own house.

The Foundation of Respect

Al makes it a point to treat his son’s mother with respect, so his boy will do the same to the women he meets or marries one day. This is perhaps the most underrated part of fatherhood. You are not just raising a boy; you are training a future husband and a future man. The way you speak to your wife or the mother of your child provides the blueprint for his future romantic life. If he sees you devalue her, he will spend his twenties devaluing the women he dates, and he will likely end up wondering why his relationships are a disaster.

We see a lot of guys struggling with dating in today’s broken world because they never saw a healthy dynamic at home. They grew up in a house that felt like a cold war or a series of tactical skirmishes. Al is giving his son a massive head start by showing him that a man’s strength is best used to provide a safe, respectful environment for the people he loves. It is about emotional intelligence, even if most guys hate that phrase. It’s just common sense: don’t be a jerk to the person you chose to build a life with.

Investing in the Future

Al wakes up excited about the future for his little guy and can’t wait to see what becomes of him. That kind of excitement is the fuel for the long haul. Fatherhood is a marathon that lasts decades, and it requires a level of persistence that most men struggle to find in their hobbies or even their careers. According to data from the CDC, involved fathers contribute significantly to their children's cognitive and social development, leading to better outcomes in school and later in life. It is the best return on investment you will ever get.

We often talk about legacy as if it is a statue in a park or a wing of a hospital with your name on it. Real legacy is a guy who knows how to work hard, tell the truth, and take care of his family because his father showed him it was the only way to live. I have written before about how 30 rules for our sons can shape their trajectory, but Al is living those rules out in real-time. He isn't waiting for a crisis to start teaching; he is doing it during the mundane moments between breakfast and bedtime.

Al, thanks for promoting such a respectful and noble lifestyle in your son. You are February’s Dad of the Month. It is a small title for a big job, but you are hitting the marks that matter. Keep building.

—Your Bro