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DATING

From the mailbag: Making “the kiss move”

Since starting this blog, I’ve received lots of questions from young guys asking for advice on a variety of topics. One of the more common questions I’ve gotten revolves around understanding when the “right time” is to kiss someone on a date. It’s a nerve-wracking interaction, no doubt about it.

You get to know each other, you feel attracted to her, tension builds and you want to show her how you feel, but you don’t want to ruin the momentum you’ve built. The secret here is that you’ll never ruin anything if you create your own opportunity. Huh? That’s right; you’re going to set up this moment at which you will make the move and kiss her. This involves three main factors:

1) “Kino escalation”: throughout the date you need to get her comfortable with your touch so that it isn’t so awkward when it’s actually meant to happen. “Kino” comes from “Kinesthetic” and it means that of a physical feel. Successful pickup artists have written books on the “kino escalation ladder” and how to use of physical touch to your advantage in a comfortable, natural way.

Touch her elbow when you tell a joke. Lean in to tell her a secret, and touch the small of her back. Shake / hold her hand when agreeing on something. Also, it’s very important to sit perpendicular from each other, NOT ACROSS, as perpendicular makes touch more natural. They call this KINO escalation, and you must learn to do it. This also conveys to her that you are indeed attracted to her.

2) Conversation Threading: Never run out of things to say, EVER… but when you do, you can make your move. What is it? Conversation Threading is essentially the ability to make a free-flowing conversation. If someone gives you a thread like “I went to Paris last summer to Study at the local university,” you have many, many directions you could thread the conversation. You could ask if they liked Paris, which school they went to, what they study, or you could shift the focus of the conversation, you could respond with “Really? I went to Paris last year,” or “I like to travel, as well” [Which is a great way to build rapport through shared experiences!]

Even if she’s giving you tiny bits of information, you can still thread the conversation. “I’m going to class,” obviously you can ask her about, you could shift the focus again [Me too, I’m taking (subject), isn’t it *fascinating* how…], you could drop a cold-read, you could pace her hypnotically [Have you ever noticed how we’re both here, outside this coffee shop, having this conversation and blah blah blah] you could go into any direction. **BE CREATIVE.** and don’t be afraid to be different. Mix the expected with the unexpected.

3) Go 90%: the time is right (pause in conversation, etc) lean in and kiss her on the lips. No crazy tongue action; just a kiss. Lean in 90% is the way. Let her come the other 10 (like in Hitch). If she finishes the move, you’ll have your chance to see if you two actually have sexual chemistry. Think of it as a necessary test to determine if the relationship can / should reach the next level.

Good luck out there guys!

– Your Big Bro