Attraction is not a choice. You like what you like, and nothing you can naturally do (outside of self castration) will change your body’s response to certain stimuli. Attraction can be based on a number of factors, including:
Sense of humor
Everyone’s got their own unique turn on’s, even if it’s as weird as the bizarre BDSM shit that Paul Giamatti’s Chuck Rhoades character in Billions partakes in.
These are all of the qualities that get you to the proverbial “finish line”, but what many people fail to realize is one simple fact:
Nothing will get you over that line without the single most important aspect of attraction; kiss chemistry.
Everything else could be perfect, but if you kiss her and don’t feel much, it will be hard to justify spending more time with her, and your level of attraction will likely drop faster than Charlie Sheen’s pants in a whorehouse.
What is kiss chemistry? If you had to define it using certain elements of a make out session, it would probably include the following categories:
Feel: do her lips and tongue feel good pressed against yours?
Taste: strongly tied to scent/pheromones, these naturally occurring stimuli either do it for you, or don’t.
Pace: are you able to naturally move at the same speed as you play tonsil hockey?
Rhythm: are you moving together in a natural rhythm, or do you have to think about where to place your tongue/lips next?
Hand placement: while getting hot and heavy, do both caress each other in a natural, smooth manner? Are you sensually touching each other’s faces, necks, ears, backs, and hips? Or are you awkwardly handling one another?
Fluidity and Transitions: do you match each other as you move from different parts of the mouth, tongue, and neck, or does it feel awkward and choppy? The more fluid, the better. It means you’re physically connected.
Insatiable: does kissing her always leave you wanting more? Do you find yourself uncontrollably grabbing her? Does she reciprocate?
Breathlessness: do you get so caught up in the make out session that you find yourself having to catch your breath? Does her kiss take you to another place, almost putting you in a trance-like state?
Sexual Arousal: when you kiss her, does it make you want to rip her clothes off and ravage her? Can you feel the tension building or is it boring?
All of this should feel natural and fluid, while building extreme sexual tension and anticipation. If you aren’t getting caught up in it and seriously horny for more, it’s a sign of low kiss chemistry, and subsequently a weak or non-existent sexual connection. This is not something you can fix easily. If things are “off”, you may be able to coach your partner on ways to make it feel sexier, but in most situations people do not want to change how they kiss because that’s what they know to feel good. This is a true sign of sexual incompatibility.
For these reasons, kissing on the first date is imperative if you really believe the person you’re out with is potentially worthy of a next date… or more. Why waste time if this crucial element is missing? Imagine wasting three nights on a person who’s kissing actually turns you off? Have your test drive and get it over with!
Checking superficial boxes means nothing if you and your partner don’t have the fire and connection required to get you through some of the hard times. Trust me, many frustrating fights between couples are solved with a steamy sex romp which can show the duo that their love and appreciation for each other is still alive and well, regardless of whatever challenge it is they’re up against.
Kiss chemistry isn’t easy to find. If you’re not making out like the plane is going down, you’re probably not sexually compatible.
-Your Big Bro