You could have Jon Hamm’s looks, Dave Chappelle’s jokes, George Clooney’s charm and money, all backed by Denzel Washington’s confidence. Your primary vehicle could be a Lamborghini, which takes you to your million dollar CEO job. The whip sits in the driveway of your multi million dollar home overlooking the ocean. Realistically, even with every box checked and every category ranked a ten, it’s possible you’re not her type. As a strong man, it’s important to learn how to deal with rejection when you’re not her type.
The aforementioned scenario sounds totally illogical. For many rational thinkers, it’s something that will drive them crazy because there will be no definitive explanation of “why” things didn’t work out. Sometimes, you just aren’t her type. Maybe the natural chemistry isn’t there. It’s possible the life goals and values aren’t aligned. Understand that both of these can be relationship killers.
The Force of Attraction
Above all, the factor of attraction is the most powerful force in dating. Unfortunately, it’s something you have little control over because attraction is not a choice. You won’t wake up one morning and consciously decide to be attracted to 5’3” curvy Hispanic women with fiery personalities that wear low cut shirts and hoop earrings. These are qualities that your body and mind react to over time and give you a sense of what you’re naturally turned on by. You’re either into it, or you’re not, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Scientifically, it’s an unconscious force tied to biological makeup and brain wiring. Let’s say your preference is the aforementioned Hispanic female, but a girl who was completely opposite it all categories wanted to date you. She’s 6 feet tall, pale, overweight, dresses conservatively and has a very meek personality. Chances are, you wouldn’t give her a shot because she isn’t what you find attractive. Is there anything wrong with that decision? Absolutely not. You should not be forced to entertain someone you aren’t sexually attracted to. Your preference is inherently unique to you, and nobody can fault you for that.
Think of attraction in terms of baseball: Hitting a home run means you’re both attracted to each other and you end up in a healthy relationship. That attraction is what gives you an opportunity to explore a potential connection. Fundamentally, the force of attraction gave you a chance for an “at bat’. It’s the necessary step required to begin the interaction. Separately, if attraction does not exist, you never get a chance to even take a swing, let alone enter the batter’s box. If the coach doesn’t put you in the game, you’ll never have an opportunity to hit a single, let alone a home run.
Be advised, being rejected does not mean you have a fundamental flaw. Attraction is all about personal preference, and someone’s preference may not be perfect, not high quality. Furthermore, they cannot change what they’re attracted to, as it’s based on how they’re programmed. There are many factors that attraction could be based on, so consider these basic traits that may qualify or disqualify you instantly.
Whatever your race, there’s a chance she isn’t turned on by it.
If you’re short, maybe she likes tall men.
You could be funny, but maybe she prefers a more dark, serious type.
Your high end style could be worthy of GQ, but maybe she likes a more laid back look.
It’s possible you’re a modern day Adonis who religiously hits the gym, but muscles may not turn her on.
Dealing with Rejection
Realistically, we can’t explain why her preferences are what they are, but we must acknowledge they do exist and are not a reflection on you. The value you provide to the world is not dependent upon her preference in men. Never let rejection discourage you for this reason alone.
You provide a ton of value to the world, and to many people. When dating, communicate from a foundation of knowing YOU are the prize, and she would be lucky to access your time and attention. If you don’t check her boxes, it doesn’t change who you are and what you represent. It’s simply not a fit, and that’s as logical as it’ll ever get. Just as a shoe could be nice looking but feel uncomfortable on your foot, a person could be high value but not attractive to you.
It’s dangerous and irresponsible to base all of your self-esteem on the sexual approval of a strange woman. Woefully, some men will second guess their entire existence because women they wanted to sleep with weren’t pre-programmed to be sexually attracted to them. Sounds pretty foolish, right? Sometimes, you’re just not her type. Would it even make sense trying to convince someone you are good for them, while many other high value and deserving women are out there who are naturally attracted to you? On to the next one.
⁃ Your Big Bro