I was at a packed Manhattan bar hanging with some twentysomethings from my hockey team when I got a common question. Between a few rounds of tequila shots, an aspiring alpha approached me seeking dating advice. Surely the environment motivated him, as the establishment was filled women in their mid twenties seeking a summer fling. Frustrated with his lack of success, he wanted to understand the three important rules for attraction maximization.
This particular fellow was a nice looking, well-spoken 24 year old that is still trying to find his footing when it comes to pickup and relationships. As scantily clad millennials shuffled past us in the crowded bar, he asked me what was most important for men in their interactions with women. Normally, I’d pause to really think it through, as to not misspeak.
I definitely understood this young man would probably hang on every word and adapt his game accordingly. This would cause me to be careful with my message and selective with my words. After several tequila shots and a couple scotches, instinct took over. I blurted out the top three rules I always lived by, and in hindsight it made a ton of sense.
Always Be Non-Needy
You should understand this is the number one rule of attraction. Since attraction is not a choice, help your chances of reciprocal attraction by always demonstrating the most alpha quality: non neediness. The moment a woman sees signs of neediness in a man, she instantly loses respect for him and puts him into the friend zone. This is all tied to our primal instincts for survival and reproduction. Stay focused, don’t beg, and act like you’ve been there before. Make her earn your respect before you put her on a pedestal. If you treat her like a celebrity, she will treat you like a fan. Read about other helpful tips on how to be non-needy can be found here
Adjust Your Mindset for Attraction Maximization
Life is not a Disney movie in which the really nice kid hopes that the pretty girl will like him, does things to impress her, and ends up being with her. Unfortunately, lots of men are trained to think this way, constantly concerned about whether or not she will be interested in them. They say and do things to try to impress beautiful women, and the entire framework of the interaction is broken.
Stop worrying if she will like you! Think about whether or not you will like her. Adopt this mindset and the game changes forever. You are evaluating her as much as she is evaluating you. If she isn’t into you, it’s a non starter, and why would you change yourself for someone that is not attracted to you? Her tastes are her tastes, and you can’t change yourself, so why worry about what she thinks of you?
Instead, focus on how many boxes she checks for you. Just because she looks great doesn’t mean she checks the boxes. Stop putting looks on a pedestal and concern yourself with the more important qualities, like loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, ambition and confidence.
Masculinity is Not a Crime
Do not ever apologize for being attracted to her. You are a straight man that’s looking to meet a woman for a sexual relationship. If you think she is a beautiful woman, it is because you are naturally attracted to her. Your body is wired for this, because you are programmed to find a mate and reproduce.
So many times, men are overly concerned about being nice and respectful, and in the end they “pussify” themselves and apologize for their masculine DNA. If you’re into her, let her know it unapologetically. She will respect you more because you are honest, brave and overall alpha. Being a testosterone-fueled gentleman is not a crime. It is biology and nature at work.
– Your Big Bro