Raging feminists will hate this factual statement, but it’s undeniable: the sexes are separated by stark biological differences, many of which impact mindset and behavior. The chemicals floating around inside your brain can make you feel happy or sad, aggressive or sensitive, etc. Those hormones, coupled with our genetically-predisposed instincts, make us behave and think the way we do. On top of that, women can house and support a human life from a single cell to a real person and men cannot; so there’s that whole thing. Males and females are just different.
As it stands, these biological and behavioral differences pose significant challenges for the average man, and on the surface level there is one aspect in particular that frustrates and confuses us all. Sometimes, it is borderline impossible for us to decode her language and understand what she says to us! This topic has been the focal point of television shows, movies, songs, books, websites, and conversations around the globe for hundreds of years. To make things easier for our fellow brothers, we have compiled a basic translation guide for men as they navigate the dating world.
Quick Guide to Decoding Female-Speak
- When she says “I’m busy”, she really means “I don’t want to make time to see you”. Odds are, she’s just not that into you, bro. People make time to see the people they want to see, and do the things they want to do. If she is too busy to see you, it means you are not a priority because she does not see a future with you, or she’s into someone else. Move on…
- If she says “we aren’t exchanging gifts”, she is saying “I don’t want to put pressure on you, but deep down I really hope you get me something that will make me melt.” She actually wants you to get her a thoughtful gift, you knucklehead. Commemorating special events is important because it shows that you think about her, listen to her, and care about her. Whether or not she gets you a gift for a special occasion is irrelevant. Do not be the guy that shows up empty handed.
- During a discussion or argument, “I don’t care” actually means “I cannot believe you are arguing with me about this. Obviously I care, but you are being an insensitive jerk right now and I am so mad at you.” She cares, but she is too hurt, embarrassed, or stubborn to admit it. This is usually your cue to come to a mutually-beneficial decision or compromise. If you let it fester, it will come back to haunt you and then you’ll owe her one (or several).
- As soon as you begin noticing she is throwing the phrase “I love” in front of various things related to you, she wants to say “I love you“. Chances are she is hesitant to say it first due to fear of rejection. Examples of these statements are: “I love seeing you”, “I love spending time with you”, “I love the way you ____ me”, “I love planning things with you.
- During times of trouble, if she’s pressing for things like “space” or “time apart”, she is seriously considering life without you, while potentially envisioning it with someone else. If you don’t want to lose her, this is make or break time, so step up.
- “We need to talk” is almost always followed by something negative or heavy, especially if she refuses to elaborate until you’re face to face. Brace yourself.
- “He’s just a friend”: What she’s really saying is “I know you will notice some chemistry between us, but don’t worry because I like you better than him right now”. He’s just a friend is always the kiss of death for either you or “that” guy. If she has to explicitly say this, chances are that one of them has (or had) feelings for the other. She is trying to distract you from seeing this in order to salvage her relationship with him, but don’t be fooled. You’ll be able to realize when they really are “just friends”, and she won’t need to point it out. One of you has got to go eventually. Defend your territory with pride.
- “Who’s going to be there?”: She’s really saying “do you really need to go?” or “do I need to go with you?”. This is a question that is usually asked out of fear or insecurity. She is worried about your wild friends, other women, or social status. If other WAGs (wives and girlfriends) are attending, she will want to as well because it demonstrates your social status as a couple. She will want to attend because she is afraid of being seen as a weak couple or a bad partner. If it’s a boys weekend, a party, or a vacation, she is concerned that you are going to be tempted or persuaded to cheat on her. This will require a conversation emphasizing serious reassurance about the strength of your relationship.
- “I don’t like/trust her” translated means “I want to kill this bitch because she wants to sleep with you, and I will never accept her”. Start preparing to cut “her” out of your life, because there isn’t room for both of them.
- “I’m not slutty/easy” OR “we are not having sex tonight” are lines uttered by thousands of women daily. This is as confusing as it gets, because what it really means is “I’m really considering hooking up with you, but I want you to still like me after”. While she is ready to give it a go, she feels the need to set some standards so that you don’t ghost her after your romp. She wants to be perceived in a certain way, and she wants you to value her after it. Concurrently, she is trying to convince herself that she has some semblance of control over the situation, even though her hormones are telling her otherwise. Let her know that you respect her and that you plan on seeing her again – it should relieve a ton of her anxiety.
Good luck out there, and pay attention to the details.
-Your Big Bro