I wish more people understood this simple dating concept. It’s some “hard to swallow” advice I wish I’d gotten at a very young age because I wasted so much time in so many unsatisfying and miserable relationships. In an effort to help save you time and heartache, I hope this resonates with you.
If you’re unhappy in a dating relationship and see yourself blaming the other person (finding fault and focusing on their flaws), you’ll probably catch yourself telling people some of the following things:
- “She just doesn’t listen to me”
- “She is ungrateful”
- “She’s so selfish”
- “She doesn’t understand me”
- “we never have sex”
- “She’s too lazy”
- “She’s not affectionate enough”…
When this happens, it’s time to take the focus off your girl and actually take a long, hard look at yourself. The fact of the matter is simple: You are choosing to be part of this. You are allowing yourself to be involved with this person. You are the one committing to someone who doesn’t really want, respect, have time for or love YOU the way you need to be loved.
In other words, you’re tolerating this, and in doing so, you are disrespecting yourself. All this, while de-prioritizing your own values, beliefs, feelings and needs. You ignore red flags, and by doing so you’re doing yourself a disservice. You’re letting yourself down by staying.
Let’s face the facts: you cannot control another person, just yourself. Many learn this the hard way, and after several unfulfilling relationships finally understand what they need to feel “happy” in a relationship.
Make a promise to yourself right now:
I will no longer tolerate poor treatment, ignorance or disrespect. I will raise my personal standards. I value reciprocal love, understanding and affection, not half-heartedness, emotional unavailability or selfishness. I decide what kind of relationship I’m going to be in.
If someone isn’t meeting your standards, move along and find someone who will. You owe it to yourself.
– Your Big Bro